Why Charisma Isn't What You Think It Is

Damn doctors be out here teaching rizz now. What a time to be alive

I think authenticity can be developed by self-talk or journaling. This helps us study ourselves to know exactly what we are talking about.

19:15 my gf once told me that "honesty without empathy is cruelty" and it makes sense I wouldn't say someone cruel is charismatic

My two cents: stay away from "How to win friends and influence people" it was written in the 1900s and is outdated. The whole book is pretty much how to achieve the ultimate people pleaser syndrome

1- Develop a vision. This is not a goal, but an ideal about how you want your life to be. You also have to be able to implement that vision 2- Structure. It's about when, where and how you're gonna implement your vision 3- Strategic thinking. How to circumvent the setbacks in the path to moving towards our vision 4- Being authentic. This builds trustworthiness towards others. Try to be your authentic best self. A bit of negativity is alright, but not traumatic diarrhea in the speech 5- Temper what to say with compassion. Being authentic is not about not hiding negative things, but about not creating fake things about oneself 6- Clarify your communication. Practicing writing is a good idea for this The three main points to good charisma are vision, authenticity and communication

Dr. K omitted (to my knowledge) one of the BIGGEST things he does so well and is a huge charisma boost: sense of humor and ability to laugh at oneself!! It shows confidence in yourself by not being afraid to admit your mistakes and laugh along. And it can disarm people and make them enjoy your company far more. And for me… the bottom circle of hell is a conversation with humorless/boring people.

I've noticed I'm more clear and even get "compliments" from people in discussions when I've been actively writing about stuff, but not just writing, putting in effort to make it somewhat polished. Reading "smart" books and stuff (basically anything that is not a half-assed article or things like that) really helps with learning new ways of saying things for sure. When I didn't write for a long period of time my conversations were either boring or embarrassing so I can testify this works

For anyone wanting to learn more about charisma, I highly recommend the book "The Charisma Myth" by Olivia Fox Cabane. It expands on things discussed in this video like vision, implementation, and compassion. It takes a scientific approach similar to how Dr. K does in these videos and it breaks down charisma into a handful of well-defined types, which is huge. That knowledge will make you aware of the innate charismatic qualities that you already have, and through that self-awareness, allow you to lean into those qualities in a 100% genuine way. Just get the audiobook and play it like a podcast how I did, it'll pay off.

I think physical attractiveness is important for the first impression or getting someone to approach you, after that it isn't very useful as far as charisma goes.

41!?! bro looks like hes in his 20s

I just had a mini epiphany. The reason "bad boys" are so attractive to people is because they are relentless in achieving their vision. The dedication to their vision that they show is almost like watching a beast like a lion or bear hunt down their prey. It shows the ability to overcome the obstacles that get in their way, like you said. They're not afraid of short term failure, but rather they reject the possibility of long term failure. Dr. K really is a master at this craft of teaching and mentoring. Thank you, sir, for being an inspiration and guide.

In my opinion, this kinda video format of starting from a more main stream or attention appealing narrative but pivot into research summary and practical, evidence based methods to improve is INCREDIBLE.

6:55, he always gets me when he pulls out the Indian guy lmao

It seems like charisma is not only the ability to believe in yourself, but also to convince others to believe in you. Which is easier said than done.

When you mentioned you would write everything before speaking, it made sense as to why I would get comments on articulating things very well. It’s because I’ve practiced saying these things in my head and writing it 1000 times before I made the final draft. Charisma is really just inspiring people to be better versions of themselves. You leave an impact so much that they can’t help themselves to be around you.

As I person who used to be extremely overweight (170kg) and then lost weight up to 107kg, I can tell anecdotally that people treat you far-far worse when you are unattractive because of their biases, stereotypes, and the way we find partners(and it’s far worse as a child). Without fixing the underlying issue this would help just a bit.

it's so funny to see all these chapters about charisma and stuff, and randomly in the middle of all of em you see 'the world is falling apart'. that shit gave me a chuckle like twice already

The Stoics (capital S) classify cheerfulness under the umbrella of courage. It takes COURAGE to be OPTIMISTIC.

I misread "Christmas Isn't What You Think It Is".

Can't believe Dr K is 41, he looks and feels so much younger. And yes, he's very charismatic, but I don't really think it's just because he's got a vision and writes down things before talking. Of course that gives him direction and clarity, and makes listening to him not only pleasant but also valuable. But most of his charisma comes from his personality, and not everyone has got such a personality. It's not only about what you say, it's about how you say it. Many people are authentic, know things and even know how to talk about those things, but charisma in my opinion is much more about an inner fire that makes everything you say interesting because your words are impregnated of your soul. Wit, humour and compelling communication come from that fire, so the first step that many people should take before the ones Dr K talked about, is learning how to light up their inner fire.