The Space Between Self-Esteem and Self Compassion: Kristin Neff at TEDxCentennialParkWomen

I really thought I have gone crazy. I thought I was starting to hear whispers in my head. Thank God for the comments section. XD

This video makes me realize that you are your own therapist. You are your own support system. You are your own friends.

I used to feel proud of myself because of my good grades, when I lost it i crumbled, my sense of self worth was GONE. In glad I came across this video. Everyone talks about raising self esteem but self compassion is so much more important.

“Comparison is an act of violence against the self” - Iyanla Vanzant

This woman is so gentle she even has trouble imitating a harsh voice.

Realizing I was confusing “Pushing myself” from “Punishing myself.” I teared up when I thought about my day and how many times I punished myself for being overweight, not doing the dishes, not cooking the chicken, watching tv all day, and eventually making my self feel bad for feeling bad. No wonder I was having so much anger and depression lately, and I realize something needs to change because what I’m currently doing is not just hurting myself, but my soul and who I’m meant to be.

The way Kristen says 'Okay' is like a warm hug for the mind

Her voice is so beautiful and kind and I can see her love of her work in her eyes.

changed my life in 19 minutes. going to watch this whenever i forget myself.

This should be a class in our school system.  It would change the way we live with ourselves and with our neighbor. 

“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I change.” – Carl Rogers

self-compassion and self-acceptance are two of the most important things in life you can do for yourself.

Took some notes. If I got any of the time stamps wrong let me know and I'll fix them.  This is such a great talk, not just about the #empowerment of self-compassion but in every single way that this skill affects our lives: 2:35 "For many years psychologists really saw self-esteem as the ultimate marker for mental health and there's a reason for that..." 3:08 American Culture: High self-esteem = special, above average. (Logical impossibility). 4:02  #narcissism levels in college undergrads is the highest ever recorded 4:31 #bullying 4:49 #prejudice 5:09 #success 5:38 #women #supermodels 5:57 ♀ feelings of attractiveness diverges from ♂ in about 3rd grade 6:30 solution = self-compassion ("embracing ourselves as we are flaws an all) and has 3 core components 6:58 1. #Self-Kindness 7:45 2. Common Humanity (shared human experience - where we connect 8:56 3. #Mindfulness (includes ability to recognize our own suffering) 9:56  #motivation 10:18 #cortisol #adrenaline (fight or flight response) triggered by self-criticism so both attacker and attacked body's response is to shut down 11:24 #depression 11:33 #safe-place #care-giving #Oxycontin #opiates (feel good hormones) #evolution (mammals) respond to warmth, gentle touch and soft vocalizations 12:14 #parenting (how to best motivate our #children) - there are two ways; one has long-term negative consequences 13:52 #research strongly supports #compassion 12:42 self compassion offers the benefits of self-esteem (strong mental health, stable sense of self worth) without the pitfalls (#narcissism, social comparison, ego-defensive aggression 15:13  Self-compassion steps in just when self-esteem deserts you 15:30 #autism #autistic kids #challenge faced by Kristin and she found grace under pressure through self-compassion (example given) 18:00  Self-compassion is not self-indulgent or selfish because "...the more we are able to keep our hearts open to ourselves, the more we have available to give others..." 18:14  You know how to be a good friend and comfort someone. I invite you to be a good friend to yourself.  It's easier than you think and it really could change your life.

This woman has saved my life. Two years fighting with insomnia just to figure out compassion as a whole concept. I embrace myself now more than ever. And feel beyond grateful!

I have never heard of a voice more kinder and compassionate as Kristin Neff. I could listen to this talk over and over. Thank you!!

Almost ended in tears listening to this. What she said here was like reading a receipt on my entire existence.

13:31 * cries in asian * ...okay jokes aside, this was one of the most relatable ted talks I have ever heard. My parents have always harshly criticized me for studies and ngl it actually worked my grades went high. So I started self criticizing myself too in order to motivate myself since my parents don't criticize me anymore. So I extreme low self compassion, low confidence, anxiety, sometimes self harm, suppress and ignore my feelings a lot, etc etc. But I am doing my best to get out of this years long rut and I will definitely be successful.

My parents unconsciously took the critical approach, because it was how they were raised. The problem with it is not only that our brains don't get motivated this way, but also that people often don't bother to explain how to achieve things. It is easy to say "You should know Math better! Why can't you just bring good grades?!" or smth, but it is hard to explain to child how to learn more effective, study equations and so on. It requires efforts, time, knowledge and patience from parents.

I am 35, over-weight, not good looking - unable to find anyone who would marry me, have a PhD but cannot find a job..not even a low-paying menial job. Its been 1 year since I have been unemployed...its eating into me now. I am overwhelmed and I am just trying to stay strong and sane. Thanks for the video. 

I absolutely love minute 17:30: Putting her hands over her heart, she said, "This is so hard right now, darling. I'm so sorry you're going through this, but I'm here for you." I have copied that out to keep at work, thank you.