Women at Thirty — Jordan Peterson's Advice for Young Women Choosing Careers Over Motherhood

I'm seeing a lot of "There are no good men left, everyone's in their basement playing video games" and "Women are irrational idiots" in the comments, so...that's healthy. Life is hard enough, ffs. I know very few alpha career women, and very few 'beta' men. What I DO see are a bunch of people with massive student debt, living in a toxic hook up culture, trying to find something lasting. Sometimes a long term relationship or a marriage falls apart, leaving people devastated. Sometimes you get divorced young with children. Sometimes people die. You can make every 'good' decision, every 'right' choice, and still get blindsided by something. Instead of blaming each other, we should be trying to help. Instead of putting one another down as 'cat ladies who can't get a date' or 'basement dwelling losers who are unlovable' to make up for our own frustrations, we should be building each other up. But it's the youtube comments section, so this is likely all just wasted breath. Er, typing.

Career driven my whole life. Had kids over thirty and, and it has been the best thing ever for me. I was afraid of losing my freedoms and life due to all these negative mothers out there. I am not like them, I am having a blast with these kids. I never wanted kids and have never been a kid person and was always afraid of babies. It has been such a blessing and it has actually helped me regain my health and hormones. I am more fit, my house is cleaner, and I am the thinnest I have been in 15 years. I go to the gym to get a break and I take care of me. I work part time. I have more energy than before kids.

I’m turning 30 this year. I spent my 20s battling my mental health, in trauma and re-living trauma. I am dedicating my 30s and the rest of this life to healing it in myself and others 🦋

No one should ever be totally dependent on one individual. Putting all you're hopes on a spouse that may cheat on you, leave you, etc is a mistake. You have to be able to take care of yourself financially.

I love Peterson with all my heart but I will say this... My grandmother had a nervous breakdown (1963) because being a domestic housewife was so utterly miserable. Nothing was really wrong, but it just wasn’t for her and forcing her into that role lead to 3 bouts of electro shock therapy. My beautiful cousin was married with 2 children by 28, beautiful wedding, home bought ...he’s left her because he didn’t want to give up having fun. Kids were too much. Wanted all his money for himself. She’s 30 and saddled with 2 kids, huge mortgage payments and no partner on her own. We’re in the U.K. so women don’t get big settlements here when divorce happens. My friend is 33 and he has been married with 3 kids to his wife for nearly 10 years. At a party while his wife was getting drinks he smacked me on the behind and tried to put his tongue down my throat. His wife is wonderful and their kids are adorable. He wanted to leave it all because it bores him, apparently. Now look, things aren’t as clear cut as Peterson says here. They’re just not. Women play the whole thing right in their 20’s etc, and it all goes tits up no matter how hard they work at it. They can both be dedicated but things just don’t work out. Women need to be able to forge a future for themselves if and when the shit hits the fan. You might be a good man that would work on a marriage, but other men aren’t and the stakes are VERY high for women to put all her eggs in one basket.

People say women are choosing “career over family”. The reality is that until we find a husband (if we’re even pretty enough to ever find one) we have to FEED ourselves or take care of a parent or pay our own rent. We’re working out of necessity.

I kept meeting guys who’d say “You’re too marriage material... I’d break your heart” and “I think I want a bachelor life” so now I’m like “I’m just gonna focus on making sure I can support myself and enjoy my life.”

I know alot of career women who are also married to a high income earner and have kids. This includes women who are ER doctors, and engineers. I also know alot of women who didn't pursue a career and ended up single without kids anyway. I dont think pursuing economic independence is a bad thing for anyone.

A lot of women in their 20s are trying to keep a roof over their heads and food in the cupboards and fridge just as the men are. If they have a partner, it usually takes two incomes in order to achieve this. We are a long ways from the 1950s and 1960s economy. It's not even a choice so much as it is a basic necessity. If you don't work and pay attention to the needs of your job/career, you become homeless, plain and simple.

I hate the judgement. What if at 30 you have not found the right person not because of career. You just simply have not.

My grandmom, mother of 3 children when she was dying, she said what she most regrets is having kids.

I can't afford to not work. I'm turning 30 this year. I don't have time for kids. As long as I have a job, I can survive.

Here's another age related thingy. I was 28 when someone asked me my age. I told them and they replied with "ah, so you're 12 short years away from being 40". That really splashed some cold water on the reality of time.

I know many women that want to be married and have kids but have not found the right man to settle down with, its not always single by choice or due to choosing a career

When I was a teen, I knew a few adults that didn't have kid's and were very happy. I knew then it was a no brainer. Made my childfree decision permanent @ 22. Now almost 60, life is GREAT. A lot of people my age are financially helping their kid's and/or raising grandkid's.

I'm all for motherhood if that is someone's choice. I also understand where a lot of guys are coming from wanting to have a good mother for their children. As a woman who values family and wants children I want to talk a little about this. I think the issue is that to be a stay at home mom means to give all of your power over to the man you are married to. It can lead to finances being controlled and you being treated like a child and having to ask for money to do anything even though you are raising the kids and caring for the household. This happened with my parents and scares the crap out of me. I think there is another aspect where women often lose their identity in a husband and children because there is nothing else for them in that scenario. Moms are people too and they need to have things that are just theirs to be a complete person and valuable partner. There needs to be balance. Many fathers aren't that involved with the raising of the children. They spent a couple of hours if that with them and they are good dads. I think if fathers stepped up more and there was more balance in the relationship it would be good. A woman shouldn't have to give up all of her self and dreams to be a good mother. Parents have to work together to give their child the best life.

Just as the western governments should help women be good mothers as well as workers, they should motivate men to be good fathers. In Norway, we have both maternity and paternity leave, and your job can't fire you for being a parent. I wish more countries did the same.

If men don't want women to pursue careers, make sure you are able to support them.

I too was always told that I could be whatever I wanted to be. At 11 I picked the career I wanted and by 30 I had my doctorate in that field. Since 30 I was married and have 2 children. And while I still find my work fulfilling and meaningful, I still have such guilt over nannies helping my children while I was out there helping other people."I should have been there," is what i always say to myself. Life is hard, and adults have hard choices to make, and we can't have it all- so choose wisely. Like men, women too can be anything. I believe this. But we can't be everything. At least not without great stress- which is probably why almost 1 in 3 people are on some type of psych medication for support- and our immune systems are failing. It's because we are all maxed out trying to be everything. Not only that but when we start dividing ourselves up, the less time and attention each section gets. My take away- my advice, pick ONE career. Motherhood is certainly a full time career that needs just as much respect as being a doctor or a lawyer or CEO. Pick a career and be awesome at it, and find pride and purpose in it everyday.

Jordan loves his family. I'm sure he's a great husband and father. But we're all individuals. We choose what's important to us, we decide what's the meaning of life is. Let happy mothers be happy mothers and happy hard-working women be happy hard-working women.