What if you can't stop ruminating about your narcissistic relationship?

The hardest part is thinking about all your memories together, all the times you looked at them and thought how much you love them… and then getting out and having to accept that they never loved you at all.

I feel ashamed for being fooled for so long, for defending this person to others and for caring so much for so long. It is embarrassing.

The moment you realize it was all fake becomes a seperate trauma all its own.

Narcissists don't change patterns... they change victims.

The more I educated myself about narcissists, the less I ruminated.

"How did I miss the signs?" "Maybe they're NOT a narcissist?" "Did I do the same things to them?" "Did I make a mistake?" "I miss them."

Ruminating has been the most paralyzing part of getting my life back. No closure makes it so difficult.

1- Distract with things that are meaningful or pleasurable 2- Practice Mindfulness 3- Deep slow breathing 4- Make an ick list - all the bad thing that have happened or continue to happen in your relationship 5- Joyful defiance- do all the things the narcissist told you not to do, mini rebellion

“I wish I left in the beginning to avoid all the trauma and flashbacks that I now have to heal from.” 😔

Being with a narcissist is one of the most painful and dreadful thing to ever to happen to me. I wouldn't wish this even on my worst enemy. If they've left you,you won.

this video is like a big hug from someone who is saying "It's okay, I get it. It's normal. You don't have to feel ashamed for constantly thinking about it. Let us together find ways to help you heal and live." thank you, doctor.

I keep ruminating about why I ignored all those red flags during the loveboming and all the lies I believed. I lost nearly everything and I still ruminate about it all every single day. My friends are tired of hearing about it so I'm in therapy now. I hope it helps me. I survived 13 years of living hell with my narc ex and his family.

I ruminate about how I allowed them to treat me badly and how I believed they loved me and it was all a lie.

The Narcissist will always figure out a way to say you're wrong, even if their argument is completely illogical or false.

Narcissistic infidelity differs from "normal cheating", because a narcissist feels no shame or remorse for what they've committed! In fact, they convince themselves it's your fault, and actually lead the new partner to believe they're a victim of you. A narcissist will talk about marriage and having kids with you, while sleeping with another person. They'll give you the silent treatment and punish you, trying to make you feel bad for their own bad behavior. Survivors often wonder "why wasn't I good enough?" or "why is the new partner better than me?" because the narcissist will shamelessly wave this person in your face and parade the new target around on social media. Every second you spend comparing yourself to this person will erode your self-worth and fill you with feelings of inadequacy and rejection. How did they replace you so quickly, immediately making all the same promises to another person? The answer is simple: Cluster-B disorders all stem from the inability to attach. They never attached to you, which is why they try to intensely manufacture all the normal feelings of love and bonding, and it's also why they are able to detach and do the same thing to someone else in one day. Because they never successfully attached to you, despite all of their sweeping words. Sociopaths and narcissists are incapable of attaching to other human beings, so they hone all of these other skills like seduction, flattery, mirroring—all in an attempt to mimic what they see other people doing: loving each other. The problem is, they see "love" as receiving constant attention and adoration. This is what they give to you, and this is what they want to receive in return. The NY Times describes it this way. "Narcissistic alexithymia: The inability to understand or describe the emotions in the self. Unable to know themselves, sufferers are unable to understand, relate or attach to others. To prove their own existence, they hunger for endless attention from outside." Narcissistic "supply" is really just a distraction from this condition. When you fail to relieve this (because no external factor can), you are punished and replaced. No matter how caring and kind you were, they still don't feel good, and their disorder convinces them that a new partner will be the magical fix to everything. This is when you get "split" as the crazy bad person so they can justify their sudden change of heart. Even though they blame you, I hope you can see that this process has literally nothing to do with you. You can follow their new relationship, hope it fails, analyze yourself, analyze them, try to be more perfect, prove yourself, figure out whose fault it was, etc. All you're doing is hurting yourself. Turn your focus from external to internal. What do you feel? Inadequacy? Shame? Rejection? Betrayal? These are your feelings, and those are what matter. You need to work with these feelings, understand them, and learn to offer yourself the comfort and love needed to heal them. Otherwise you're just left with an unresolved mess of pain from an impossible situation, and a frightened heart that believes it's at fault. Left untended, it'll eventually just fade into a numb obscurity. Work with this pain, understand it, talk with it, communicate with your body. This is the most important thing you can do. Every time you're tempted to check on them, ask yourself what you're feeling. A void? Emptiness? Loneliness? Resentment? Numbness? These issues cannot be resolved through searching externally. Yes, they were created by an external factor, but it's your wound now, whether you want it or not. You are the only person who can decide to nurture these wounds and build a loving relationship with your emotions. If you need to find out about a cheating narcissist; send a request to: MetaspyHub@gmail. com

Ruminating over “why did they hate me so much?” “What was it about me that they didn’t like me, but they love his ex?” “ I wouldn’t even do that to someone I didn’t like!” “What are they going to do to me next?” “What plan do they have up their sleeve this time?” It truly is traumatizing. Prayers and love to anyone healing from this abuse!

Gives me so much strength to know I am not alone in this.

"He was just so mean. He was so mean that I don't really want to admit how mean he was...because when I admit it, I have to admit that I built a complete illusion around and about him- and that makes me feel so...stupid, naive, scared and wounded."

By getting closer to God and reading the word of God, my anxiety and depression are going away, praise God!

Left a 2.5 year relationship with narcissistic abuse. I packed up and moved to a new city all on my own. I’m processing a lot but getting better each day. I’ve ruminated about the ‘good’ memories but they’re overshadowed by all the bad ones. The rage, gaslighting, violence, devaluation. I’m strong and getting through it. It feels so good to be free!