Autism, Borderline, Narcissism: Some Similarities and Differences
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Published 2022-06-23
There is an affinity between low functioning autism and borderline personality disorder.
In both cases, the sufferer is overwhelmed by stimuli, external (autism) or internal (the borderline's dysregulated affects).
In both cases, self-harm serves to fulfill three self-soothing functions:
1. Reassert control over the dynamic of irritation and aggravation (via the elective act of self-mutilation);
2. Drown out sources of frustration and pain with even greater agony; and
3. Reawaken and feel alive as the self-inflicted hurt negates the erstwhile numbing.
The narcissist experiences periods of collapse: failure to obtain narcissistic supply.
The collapse can be subclinical (protracted and incremental as barely sufficient maintenance levels of supply are at hand) or traumatic (when he loses all his sources of supply simultaneously).
As long as the supply keeps coming, the narcissist is ego-syntonic. The collapse results in severe ego-dystony and dysphoria (often, depression). It resembles decompensation in borderlines (BPD) but, with the narcissist, there is no emotional dysregulation.
The narcissist then transitions from one type to another: cerebral to somatic or overt to covert. This is akin to the borderline switching between self-states when she is abandoned, rejected, humiliated, or stressed.
In the cerebral type, sexual abstinence is a form of self-supply: it makes him feel superior. It is the collapse-induced depression that drives him to become sexually voracious in a somatic phase.
So, contrary to the rest of humanity, in narcissists depression leads to enhanced libido (sex drive).
The types are highly dissociative self-states, almost distinct personalities.
For example: the somatic mourns the years of cerebral sexlessness while the cerebral grieves over the time wasted by the somatic in the relentless pursuit of sexual conquests.
Both of these types fail to recall the bliss they had experienced during the time spent as the other type, regardless of the “sacrifices” made. They misattribute the depression brought on by imminent or actual collapse to the compulsive behavioral constriction of the other type (“I was depressed as a cerebral because I didn’t have sex” or “I didn’t have sex because I was depressed”).
Finally, both borderlines and narcissists experience separation insecurity (abandonment anxiety) owing to object inconstancy. Both also merge and fuse with an intimate partner in a symbiotic phase (the shared fantasy).
But the borderline distances herself from her partner owing to an overwhelming engulfment anxiety while the narcissist devalues and discards his partner owing to his need to separate from a maternal figure.
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All Comments (21)
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I am sitting here at midnight in Melbourne. Studying for psychology exams. But instead I am watching this video. I learn more from you Sam, than from any other professor/teacher I have known! This explanation is so timely, that it's almost eerie. Thank you. Warm regards from Australia
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Intention is the difference I have found in my experience with people on the Npd and Autism spectrums.
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“I wish you a good day despite this video” 😂 hilarious. Thank you! Been waiting for these kind of distinctions. This used to be so terrifying and now it’s so fascinating.
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Both my mom and husband were born prematurely, both having traumatic births, both displaying autistic traits. I thought they were both on a spectrum of NPD, however, they were both affected by being premature babies. Fascinating.
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I am a borderline and I am addicted to your videos❤
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I've been watching your videos for over a year now, and you have enlightened me so much, and probably more so than if I'd spent thousands of dollars in therapy. I want to extend my deepest gratitude to you for sharing your knowledge in psychology. You're absolutely brilliant in explaining everything in detail with examples and the entire processes that occur and how they occur in psychopathology. I've watched many other videos from other individuals on here, and even though some others contain some good insights, none of them have such deep insights as yours. Thank you Sam.
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Hi Sam, it's terrible in the US, for PTSD or CPTSD people the average mental Doctor, Nurse Practioner will usually label the CPTSD with Bi-Polar. This is dangerous because the antipsychotic they put people on needlessly IE they are not truly Bi-polar just traumatized, the side effects of these drugs will put people who have been traumatized into the nursing home.
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It is a mess. There is so much overlap with the diagnoses. I’ve been diagnosed with probably 10 things at this point, but yes, it all goes back to trauma.
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Over 2 years I've been watching these videos....absolutely brilliant material!! Thankyou Sam Vaknin.
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A really interesting lecture. I have autism, my wife is BPD, I can see similarities between us. We are most opposite in character though. We do the push pull thing constantly.
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One of the best videos I've seen on the topic, thank you for this!
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Yes, you are the most handsome and my favourite professor of psychology! 😆😆😆
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Amazing video. The last 90 seconds sums it all up in a few sentences. Job well done!
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Very slight refinement at 10:20: The pain we choose covers up the pain we didn't choose
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Spot on, Dr. Vaknin, every single word. Thank you.
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Bonjour professor Vaknin and all! This morning, out of nowhere while cleaning, I said out loud TO MYSELF : "Okay, Shoshanim.". 🤪
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I noticed that non-autistic people who are great at socializing, don't notice small details. They completely ignore most things! That's why they find it hard to learn a new language, when you speak to them in a foreign language instead of focusing on how the words go together, the sounds etc, they perceive it as jibberish and it gets ignored. When you say something to them, but make an unrelated movement with your body, they ignore your words and focus on your body language and respon to you based on that, saying something completely unrelated to what you just told said, which looks stupid.
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Dear,Sam Vaknin! You are intellectual God.We,all your works followers,are very impressed with your knowledge what you share on this platform.Thank you for consistency with new material.😊
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Best wishes Mr vaknin, and many thanks.
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You are seriously a great teacher thankyou for sharing your knowledge
