THIS Is Why You Are Getting Breadcrumbed & What to Do | Fearful Avoidant Attachment

Have you ever experienced breadcrumbing from a current or past partner? What was your experience like? ❤

Breadcrumbs are like crack when you’ve been starving. Feed yourself ❤

It’s even weirder when they have shown they can communicate

I identified with the living in a fantasy relationship with an avoidant. Acting like I was fine with everything. Not revealing my true feelings and self respect by speaking up for myself out of fear of rejection and allowing breadcrumbs of intermittent attention and affection. He triggered all of my insecurities, vulnerabilities, depression, and so much anxiety that kept me in constant disregulation.

Breadcrumbing: When the infrequent, long distance text suggesting meeting up just feels like click bait.

If you're co-dependant, you're allowing their hot and cold behavior to be ok thus reinforcing in their mind that its ok to breadcrumb. So by setting boundaries and communicating clearly what you need this behavior is put to a stop. And if it's not then you know it's the wrong relationship especially if they're not willing to work on themselves 💯

"If you show too much interest they will pull away."

My dog never does this

What we accept in a relationship is a measure of what we think we deserve deep down. So own what you want and desire – you start maximising opportunities for yourself when you say no to things that aren’t that. It is ok to declare that you want to be with someone who has an ongoing and deepening connection to you. If someone is just giving you crumbs ('breadcrumbing') they are not feeling good enough in themselves to be able to give what a relationship requires. Hurt people hurt people. Nothing on the outside will change how they feel on the inside - a person can’t be ready to give love if they aren’t fully sourcing it from within. Only once they feel truly worthy of love are they able to give it. It is not up to you to change them. So if they show or tell you they can’t do it, hear this from them – and that it doesn’t mean anything about you or your value. Someone else’s behaviour is not an indication of your worth.

If a relationships has become toxic or detrimental to your wellbeing you may have to acknowledge the need to step away. This doesn't mean you have stopped loving your partner or that you blame them for the things that didn't work out - it means you are taking care of your own psychological and emotional needs. Ask yourself how are we growing? How does this relationship serve me? How does it make me happy? If you're struggling to find the answers, you may already know the answer as painful as it might be. You will need to decide if you are able to truly accept the distance. If it causes you more pain than you can bear, and leaves you in a mindset of bitterness and resentment, then you need to consider leaving. You shouldn't have to dismiss your needs and accept the absence of connection if it's having a damaging impact on you. Everyone has different levels of closeness they can tolerate - no one is to blame, it's just not the right fit.

The day before- “Long day I’m tired, I will call you tomorrow baby” The next day- nothing until 5pm then- “Long day I’m tired, will call you tomorrow baby” Ad infininitum

Cause you’re hot, then you’re cold You’re “yes”, then you’re “no” First time I hear this term, but not new to the phenomenon. Was breadcrumbed for years. I’d only add that there are invisible benefits to staying in this situation. 1) Feeding your adrenaline addiction (rollercoaster relationships are addictive, stability will make you yawn) 2) Finding yourself in the center of attention and care (your friends and family will comfort you every time it’s “cold again”) + there is always a topic to discuss. 3) Being in this kind of relationship helps you avoid spending time alone with yourself, developing your own interests and facing the person you truly are.

When my wife’s suppressed memories of a past abusive relationship came back in year 12 of our 15 year marriage so far, I felt I was getting breadcrumbs as she wasn’t working on her self in therapy. Since she finally started therapy a long time ago I understand it wasn’t breadcrumbs it was she was scared of getting hurt as she has CPTSD. Everything from past felt like it was happening in present. Now she is sharing things she went through and our emotional connection is getting so much stronger than even before the memories can back. She has a ways to go but if somebody is bread-crumbing you and your married it may be deeper that issue she or he needs to work on. If you’re dating and getting bread crumbs, I say step up or I’m stepping away. Great job Thais.

I don't think breadcrumbing is solely an FA trait. I know DAs who do this too.

I have seen this so many times among other people. I have been breadcrumbed and I think that I have done it myself a few times. When two breadcrumbs get together, nothing good happens.

The more I learn about breadcrumbing the more I realize I've been falling for it my whole fucking life. I spent 13 years, and had a child with, a woman who only significantly invested in our relationship when I demanded she do so or I would leave. The rest of the time she just gave me bits and pieces of what I actually needed from her, just enough to keep me around.

Thank you for this. When I tried bringing up the conversation for him to invest more, he dismissed me, avoided me for 4 days, and sent me a meme about nothing that made sense. I didn't respond and avoided him. This is not his first time doing this, so I'm done. Then out of the blue, he messages me asking if we are still friends. "friends". we were boyfriend/girlfriend... It's like we broke up without an official talk of breaking up. So I responded yes if he is ok with that and he responded yes he is. So I guess it's over, but if he thinks he can message me like he used to and I will respond the same way, he is out of his mind. I need to make sure I don't get reeled back in. This similar cycle has happened before and he would come back with an "I miss you" and of course, I did too and the hamster wheel just keeps going in circles. I've been busy with my own life, going back to school and advancing my career but he lingers in the back of my head. It's tough.

nonviolent communication is nice to practice. I feel like you and I are putting in different amounts of effort in. I'd like to clarify that x behaviour (not texting back, not wanting to meet, etc) isn't working for me and leaves me confused. Is there something I should know? Can you change it? And then, and this is the hardest part, accept their answer for what it is, even if it isn't what you hoped for. trying to find the right way to communicate with people so they'd give me what I wanted (frequent communication, attention, love), when that is not how it works - the only thing you can fully control are your own actions.

Where I see intentional bread crumbing is when a person wants to keep a person on back burner when that person is already in relationship. There could all kind of reason why they see a need to have person interested on back burner.

The 2 year bf/gf version of breadcrumbing is last minute plans and no dates.