Why Moose are the Greatest Threat to National Security

Moose goes after you: You’re dead You run over moose: You’re dead Try anything with moose: You’re dead

That dude who decided to just slowly walk into their shed and lock themselves in is, quite possibly, one of the smartest people alive. The best choice when seeing a moose is a calm and collected "N O P E."

As a Canadian, I can confirm this. Although, we don't pay taxes to geese, we pay protection money to them.

Speaking as a Canadian: moose really are that kind of absolute unit. My dad was a truck driver and, when I was very small, he was hauling empty trains (two trailers behind one truck) east of Sault Ste. Marie. We came around a bend doing roughly 80 kilometers an hour, and there was a large bull moose standing in the road. My dad swerved - missed the moose with the cab and the first trailer. The second trailer caught the moose by the antler. The truck's weight and momentum threw the moose about 40 feet in the air; the moose's weight threw us into a fishtail and into the ditch. The moose came down on the pavement, flat on one side. I will never forget the sound of his indignant "Hmph!" as he got up and strode majestically into the bush, leaving us to sort out our own business. That having been said, a bull moose isn't the thing I worry about most when I'm in the wilderness. What truly worries me is a cow moose, with a calf I don't see. Bull moose are accustomed to display, and will give you ample warning, the same as they would a rival bull. A cow moose with bebes has a hair's breadth between tolerating your presence and "that's far enough; time to trample a bitch."

"Probably why Canadians are so polite, their landlord's a moose and they pay taxes to geese...." and I lost it 🤣🤣🤣

"Landlords are moose, and they pay taxes to geese." As a Canadian, can guarantee the truth of this statement.

"Failing to meet a moose's expectations is how heaven gains angels" I applaud your speech throughout this whole thing. Extremely well written and very funny. You're delivery was on point and I loved how you were able to sum up this 10' vegan. Thank you for the laughs and knowledge.

I've been blessed with being able to grow up with these incredible animals in my backyard. My childhood home sat surrounded by swampland and the moose loved it. Sometimes I'd wake up to one at my bedroom window. One in particular stuck around our area for /years/. A huge bull with fur so dark it looked black, we called him Judge. He liked to hide in the shade under the pines by the road. He blended in so well there that one time a neighbour walked right by him on her jog and she didn't see. I remember freaking out and worrying he might run at her, but he didn't.🤷 "Watch from a distance/indoors and stay the fuck away from them" was a great lesson to learn as a child

"With a country with bears, cougars and Florida, the most dangerous animal of all is a 10 foot vegan with antlers" A truly majestic quote.

"Sometimes they cut out the middleman and show up at hospitals" Imagine going to the hospital after barely surviving a moose attack only to find out the moose has pulled up for round 2 while you're walking (or rolling) out.

There’s really no good way to describe how big a moose is without seeing them in person but damn, they are shockingly massive

To put a moose into perspective: where I live a few years ago there was a state trooper responding to a moose collision, on his way to the call he hit a moose and it opened his cruiser up like a sardine can. As in his car became a convertible without a windshield. I saw the aftermath when they delivered the cruiser to my work, it's amazing the trooper survived relatively unharmed.

"I fear no man, but that thing..." -Insert Moose here "It scares me..."

Advice from an Alaskan: If you're going to hit a moose TUCK DOWN YOUR WHOLE BODY TOWARDS THE FLOORBOARDS. DO IT. Whatever bones you break will be less than whatever the moose crushes.

North America had giant sloths, giant saber toothed cats, dire wolves, wooly rhinos, mammoths, camels, a deer the size of a moose called the stag-moose, and even a giraffe/elephant hybrids called the Pareceratherium that was big even by elephant standards. Moose are one of the last megafauna we have, coming over from Asia 10,000 years ago, it replaced the stag-moose after they were wiped out. Beasts were all BIG.

I play a survival game called The Long Dark, absolutely the most terrifying thing to come across in the game is a moose. Part of the storyline is that animals are way more aggressive then before the game takes place so any of them will go out of their way to obliterate you with extreme prejudice. Moose are terrifying. I was playing a horror survival called Sons of the Forest, stranded on an island with mutant cannibals, scariest thing I've seen so far is a moose out of nowhere.

Moose: Is unstoppable truck-sized roid deer with antlers and an attitude. Soviets: P O N Y !

"Jesus Christ in moose form, the Moose-siah if you will" I fucking died 😭😭💀

I was raised in Newfoundland (that big island on the East Coast of Canada). Moose are a big problem there (quite literally). Growing up I remember getting a basic "survival" class on Moose (and other animals) and the lesson boiled down to: if you're in the woods, climb a tree, and if you can't climb a tree run between the trees where you think a moose would have a harder time reaching you (they're big and strong, but they're not uprooting trees, and Lord knows they can't corner as well as a human can), a Moose may be faster in a straight line but you should be more nimble among the trees than a Moose is. If you're not in the woods, seek shelter of any kind and RUN and hope and pray you get under/behind something solid before that Moose gores you or tramples you. Moose are also among the leading causes of car accidents in Newfoundland (they certainly were when I was growing up anyway). It's to such an extent that the provincial government installed Moose fences; giant 6+ foot tall steel fences along vast swaths of open highway to greatly reduce potential crossing sites for Moose, and thus accidents.

I was 15 in 1968, walking with my dog, Clementine, on an old mining road in northern Ontario. Saw what I thought were two horses, escaped from a local farm, on the road ahead. Then I noticed they weren’t horses. Horses don’t have antlers. It was two moose blocking the road ahead. Moose stomp people into jelly, smash us with their enormous racks, chase anything, fear nothing. Or so it seems. Clementine and I were trapped on that road for 15-20 minutes until the moose wandered off back into the scrub. A 15 year old girl and 6 month old Springer Spaniel, no weapon other than a stick, trapped on a corduroy road that nobody travelled … it was scary as heck! Not something anyone should experience! They’re BIG critters! 🇨🇦🖖🏻🇨🇦