Are you a narcissist? 8 common traits of narcissism

Me: what if I’m a narcissist and I’ve just tricked everyone into thinking I’m not? Psychologist: you are most definitely not a narcissist. Me, internally: oh no, I’ve fooled her too…

I have found a fear of being a narcissist common among some people with mental health struggles. I have experienced this myself although technically I am pretty much the opposite of a narcissist. I think this can happen because of the tendency of anxiety or depressed to cause you to become self-absorbed. Self absorption is often used as a derogatory term synonymous with narcissism but it is not necessarily that. Self absorption is just being very focused on yourself. Sometimes anxiety or depression can cause a high preoccupation with the self or vice versa.

I noticed from a young age I was quite "evil" and cruel especially towards animals. And I noticed only because I was being shamed by my brother for mistreating animals (which I'm very grateful for). And that's when I started to work on my empathy. I had little dog back then. It was very hard in the beginning. I felt dumb and awkward trying to talk to her in hopes she would answer back in some way. I tried to do what normal people do, like belly scratches, dog snacks, cute voice, pets, etc, even when I felt like I was wasting my time, I was only doing it for some kind of reward from my brother, as in recognition and stuff. But then I noticed the dog grew very attached to me, she was very happy to see me, she wanted to play a lot, she followed me, she loved sleeping in my bed. And I finally felt something for her. She is my little angel, she helped me grow some humanity inside of me, now I despise myself for all the awful things I did to those animals. I can attest, it is possible to recover, with lots of patience and the right companionships.

Here's the thing. If you are questioning whether or not you are a narcissist, then you aren't a narcissist. They lack the self-awareness to see that their behavior is wrong. They think they are perfect and if anything bad happens to them/around them, its always someone else's fault.

I think I'm not a narcissist, but I do have narcissistic tendencies, and this helps me humble myself to take more responsibility for my selfish actions.

Hear me out: I think a lot of us adopt narcissistic traits or ways of thinking when we have been in survival mode for too long- especially surviving in an emotionally unsafe environment. It’s born out of a need to protect and promote ones own self when no one else will.Victims of narcissistic abuse take on some of the abuser’s traits too sometimes even a s a form of vengeance.

I’m told I’m not a narcissist by everyone I’ve asked, I’ve had two therapists who have both said “absolutely not” and yet I still feel as if I’ve just hidden it well, or they haven’t known me long enough. I wanted to share this because I recently discovered “narcissistic abuse syndrome” and it essentially highlights all the ways being with a narc can affect a non-narc person. essentially, they’re rubbing off on you, you adapt to “survive,” the non-narc brain starts thinking things like “my communications go no where, this is how they communicate, maybe if I communicate to them in the same way…” and then you start acting like a narc, thinking it’s the “normal” way to act or the “acceptable way” because you’ve been manipulated for so long into believing you’re in the wrong/doing something bad at all times, and because you don’t think you’re right, at the hands of a narc, you then start to think maybe they’re right. it’s a vicious cycle. I’ve grown up with a narcissistic mom, which has affected me in ways that attract other narcs, so I’ve dated 3, and their behaviors have rubbed off onto me, the only way I know I’m not a narc, is the fact that after I act in those ways, I actively feel the remorse/anxiety/guilt feeling in my stomach and chest, and can’t shake it.

I used to get paranoid thinking I was a narcissist, so I'd take an online test to check in once a year or so. Each time it came out "your not a narcissist." The 4th time I took it years later the response to my test was, "Stop taking this test. Go find something to do. You are NOT a narcissist!" I laughed my ass off.

A trick I’ve seen a narcissist do is basically cosplay as an empathetic person. It obviously took me a long time to figure this one out. But essentially they’re really good at pretending to care about others, especially strangers in need or social justice issues etc because it’s all part of the mosaic of their facade. Once you get close to this person you realize that they really don’t care about anything but maintained control and blame deflecting. Preserving their image is absolutely paramount.

Video summary: 1. 1:49 superiority 2. 2:25 entitlement 3. 2:55 need for attention 4. 3:43 need for control (gaslighting, lovebombing, get flying monkeys) 5. 5:08 lack of boundaries 6. 6:06 never take responsibility 7. 6:40 lack of empathy 8. 7:38 splitting

IT was described to me this way: If you spend a lot of time around smokers, but don't smoke yourself, your hair will smell of smoke. Doesn't make you a smoker. If you were trapped amongst Narcissist type people since childhood then you'll have some traits, but you can cleanse them from yourself! There's hope!

I once had a psychologist diagnose me with Narcissistic personality disorder because he couldn’t fathom how I liked myself in my own skin(I was overweight and bullied but had made a lot of progress in therapy). Turns out he had a habit of diagnosing women with Narcissistic personality disorders whenever he didn’t like them. Real charmer that one. Of course I ended up getting a second opinion and I’m doing much better years after! Editing to add: This particular psychologist has a history of discounting child abuse, encouraging using belts and other instruments to hit children and shaming young women and single mothers. He made me sign an NDA which regrettably I did not see as a red flag at the time because I was young and kinda dumb. I later got diagnosed with ADHD and Autism, as well as CPTSD, and depression and I’ve made strides in therapy and am doing so much better. I think that he had his own personal biases against women in general, and that led to the bad diagnoses.

The closest you’ll get to a real apology from a narcissist is an acknowledgment that they screwed up, but with the expectation that you’ll forgive them immediately and forget it ever happened and get back to normal. It’s like putting a band aid on a wound and expecting it to magically heal instantly.

I can assure you that if you’re watching this video and even merely questioning whether you are a narcissist or not, you’re not a narcissist.

I've always worried that I'm a narcissist, especially considering a lot of my interactions with people over my lifetime, but after watching this I think I'm actually the exact opposite of a narc, which was a relief but also worrying at the same time as I still have no clue what the hootin' heck is going on with me lol. Love the channel.

I gotchu 1: Superiority (1:43) 2: Entitlement (2:23) 3: Need for Attention (2:52) 4: Need for Control (3:41) 5: Lack of Boundaries (5:05) 6: Never Takes Responsibility (6:03) 7: Lack of Empathy (6:35) 8: Splitting (7:37) Bless your heart Kati for taking the time and effort to make these videos. We luh you. 💜

Being the son of a narcissistic mom forced me to be narcissist too lol. Actually a few years ago when I was chatting with a stranger, she helped me to understand that I was a narcissist. she told me that I talked about myself too much using I and I and I. Since that time I worked on myself to break this ugly trait. I'm not sure but doing opposite actions that a narcissist does might be a cure. For example, try not to be the center of the attention, be humble, remind yourself that you're only one among other 8 billion people and letting other people to help you.

I’ve just finished an incredible book called Trapped in the Mirror by Elan Golomb. Life-changing. And one thing it does mention is how children of narcissists often do end up with some narc traits that they need to unlearn purely because that’s what they were exposed to and taught. And the voice in our head continues that same narrative even once we’re away from the parent. Also, I think living with trauma can make us more self-involved because of what we’re coping with. Healing allows us to shift the focus off ourselves and onto living and connecting.

Ive learned so much about narcissistic behavior, its helped me become a good parent who refuses to perpetuate invalidating nonsense. I never want my kids to have to feel the way i felt as a kid. ❤❤