10 FORBIDDEN Sorting Algorithms

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Gaslight Sort: - Take unsorted list. - Tell user, it is already sorted.

Thanos Sort: Randomly remove half of the elements until all the remaining are sorted. Edit: since so many people asked, I think if there were an odd number of elements, round the number to be snapped to the nearest odd, making the next even again

I'm a big fan of Intern Sort. Whenever something needs to be sorted, a ticket is created and sent to an intern to manually copy and paste the elements back in the correct order.

I recall learning about very fast sorting algorithm in my algorithms class which I surprisingly haven’t seen mentioned here. Multiply the entire array by 0 and now it’s sorted. I think it should be called “Kachow” sort because of its speed:

Moving Goalpost Sort: Take an unsorted array [8,1,6,0], re-define all numbers in mathematics so it is now sorted which means [8<1<6<0]

Miracle sort is basically me checking my empty fridge every hour or so to see if, miraculously, some food spawned in.

overwrite sort: set the value of the 1st element in the list to 1, the 2nd to 2, the 3rd to 3 and so on until you reach the end of the list.

Bruteforce Sort: 1. Create an array of all possible n! permutations of the array to be sorted 2. Mark each array as "sorted = false". 3. For each array, make sure that each of its elements is not less than the previous one. If so, mark the array as "sorted = true". 4. Filter the array of arrays using "array.sorted === true" 5. The first element of the filtered array of arrays should be your sorted array.

Miracle sort can actually work: With an extremely low probability, cosmic rays could flip enough bits in memory to eventually result in a sorted list, that, with an even lower probability, might contain the original elements. The downside is that with a much higher probability, other bit flips occurring during that time will crash the program. Another downside is that just like Bogo Sort, Miracle Sort is not guaranteed to halt.

Preplanning Sort: Input your initial data in a sorted order in the first place, thus removing the need to sort it.

Futurism sort: Waits until a perfect sorting algorithm gets invented.

The wikipedia sort. The algorithm publishes the unsorted list on wikipedia, and waits until a user edits the list. After a user edits the list, a wikipedia admin checks if the list is sorted. If it isn't we wait for another user to edit the list. A variant of this algorithm could include admins reverting changes for various reasons, as well as adding templates at the top of the page telling that "this list needs to be sorted".

I'd like to propose "The Liar's Sort". This is where you have two machines with the same data. You let one machine do the actual sorting, and once it's done, you use the completed sort to sort the data on the second machine, making it look like it was sorted in one cycle.

Random construction sort: 1. Construct a random sorted list. 2. Check if the sorted and unsorted list contain the same elements. 3. Repeat until a match is found.

Over the years, I've become a master of miracle sorting my problems in my life.

The Bethoven sorting: It takes each element of the array and compares with a note of the Beethoven's 5th If the note is ascending, it changes it with the next value, if it's descending it changes with the previous. At the end of the array check if it's sorted, if not, continues the song on the beginning of the array, until it's sorted (the song goes in a loop)

Why not combine thread sort and bogo sort? Shuffle the array, create a new thread for each element, and use that to check if they are in the right order.

At university, me and a few others worked with a group from our physics lab. They wanted to design a robot for an hypothetical Experiment with radioactive sources. During this we came up with the idea for radiation sort: You take your array, dump it into a poorly shielded memory, push that next to a strong radiation source and wait until the radiation causes enough bits to flip so that you know have the data in Order Now that i think about it, given that the data would be destroyed and recreated in the process, this could also be called Theseus sort (as in ship of theseus)

Here are a bunch of O(1) sorting algorithms: Dictator Sort: Select the first element of the array by position and remove the rest of the elements because they are inconsequential. The downside is that there is now only one element in the array but it is always sorted. Unfortunately, the dictator also becomes a peasant by position. Peasant Uprising Sort: Select the last element of the array by position and remove the rest of the elements because they came before your element's position. The downside is that the peasant becomes the dictator by position. Jesus Sort: Select either the first or the last element of the array. The least position shall become the greatest or the greatest position shall become the least in the kingdom of one element arrays. Nazi Sort: Randomly select one element in the array to survive. This sort is terrible for many reasons that should not have to be explained.