The Worst Pirates You've Never Heard Of
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Published 2024-03-15
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The concept of the pirate life is one that has fascinated children and adults alike for generations. It's the idea of pure unadulterated freedom, living free from the shackles of responsibility, regulation, and reality. On a lone vessel dancing along the waves of a vast ocean, the world is truly your oyster, and the possibilities are endless! This swashbuckling fantasy has been fueled time and time again by classics like Pirates of the Caribbean in the early 2000s, Treasure Island in the late 1800s, and A General History of the Pyrates in the early 1700s. So considering how impactful the pirate genre has been on the greater populace, it might come as a shock to learn that our understanding of real pirate history is relatively meager. That last listed classic, A General History of the Pyrates by Captain Charles Johnson, remains one of our most primary sources for pirate history during the Golden Age, a novel which we know to have exaggerated and stretched the truth for sensational effect. While unfortunate, it does make sense that accurate recordings of the true history of piracy are scarce given the criminal and elusive nature of pirates themselves. One isn't really an efficient criminal by making their personal information as known as possible. Combine that with the fact that most pirates came from poverty and low social status, and the fact that many primary court documents have been lost to time, it makes sense that this history can be hard to accurately map and result in much speculation. In this video, much speculation must be made to connect the dots we have about Stede Bonnet's life for example. Naturally, this can lead to inaccurate assumptions, so with that in mind I tried my best to choose language carefully when telling this story. Take note of the numerous sentences initiated with, "It's believed" for some insight into when speculations are made.
The illusiveness of pirate history feeds into the fantasy. After all, these were criminals, and if we could go back in time and ask them, we'd find many of them wouldn't choose this way of life if given the choice. The story of piracy is the story of class struggle, with rare exceptions like Bonnet aside, the lowest rungs of society were the ones who populated the pirate ranks. Poor sailors who lost their livelihood, impressment victims seeking freedom, privateers losing their state-backed support, and those with nowhere to turn but the sea were the ones who became pirates. It's a position born out of struggle and poverty, the same struggle that can be seen with the Somali pirates in the modern day. In essence, they are no different than the glorified pirates of the Caribbean: disadvantaged victims of society merely doing what they can to survive.
Works Consulted / Read More:
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All Comments (21)
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"You are by far the worst pirate I've ever heard of"
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"Hung around awkwardly like an engineer at... well, name pick any social setting." I feel personally attacked.
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Fun fact: the somali pirates have a semi functional stock market, where you can sponsor crews or even individual missions, and get a share of the profit from it. There is a story circulating on an elderly woman become unreasonably rich after she sponsored a crew with enough funds to buy a single RPG which they've used to intimidate a large cargo ship into surrender.
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Ngl, i was expecting a list of lesser-known pirates, not "the true story that inspired "Our Flag Means Death".
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Probably my personal favorite Somali pirate story is the time that Somali pirates boarded and captured a North Korean cargo ship, the Dai Hong Dan. While the crew was captured, they managed to get a distress signal out while biding their time. Their distress signal was picked up by a US Navy destroyer, the USS James E. Williams, which dispatched teams to secure the vessel. At the same time, the North Korean crew attacked their captors, seizing weapons and securing the ship with the assistance of the US Navy sailors, capturing or killing all of the pirates. The most ridiculous part is that afterwards North Korean state media released a statement of gratitude for the American assistance, emphasizing the successful cooperation between the two nations.
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1700s: Oh look a Ship that's totally not a warship, let's board it 2000s: Oh look a Ship that's totally not a warship, let's board it
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The way that parrot psychologically deconstructs and roasts Bonnet is hilarious. That and the wonderfully alliterative opening has prove what a master wordsmith Blue Jay is. Also, we really do need a part 2.
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“i don’t want a pardon for the french ones” the quotes in this video are amazing.
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You really nailed a failed marriage in the first five minutes
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“The splashing sea sent sparkling salty spray showering the sun soaked smiling sailor”- this man’s alliteration is truly unmatched. Who drops bars like that??
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Pirates need a whole series. Their history is wild and wonderful.
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"go down to the docks if you want to gargle the Spanish so much." --Mrs. Bonnet
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"worst pirates you've never heard of" 1st guy: Stede Bonnet How can you not have heard of Stede Bonnet, the gentleman pirate, who was so influential that he's in an Assassin's Creed game.
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Yes, part II please. Your delivery is highly entertaining and we need to know everything we can about the worst pirates, since there is waaaay to much information on those better ones who hog all the spotlight.
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That whole first dialogue between Jennet and his wife just sounds straight up out of Archer lmao. In a good way
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"what, he can talk?" parrot: "of course, don't all humans have that ability?"
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18:56 good story for part 2 here! - The Danish warship you see there, Esben Snarre, was AGAIN attacked exactly 10 years later in 2021 on the other side of Africa. A band of Nigerian pirates attacked the warship in the Gulf of Guinea, unbeknown that the ship was filled with special forces soldiers at the time. Every single one of the pirates were shot dead, except for a single one, whos (and I kid you not) literal name was Lucky.. He did manage to lose a leg, though. Very appropriate for a pirate, peg-leg and whatnot. Lol. And then if that wasn't enough, when the news broke out in the media, it featured a danish "pirate expert" who (and again, I kid you not) wore an eye-patch during every single interview due to complications from a loser operation.
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Dont forget the pirates who captured ceasar and got mocked by him for setting his ransom too low
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Fun fact, Bonnet was the only pirate captain to not have his own flag, instead using the flag of England.
