What Might "Trigger" Someone with BPD, Borderline Personality Disorder

WATCH more of this series with Dr. Ramani, "Borderline Personality Disorder: The Family Guide to Healing" here: my.medcircle.com/3qeCntN

True story. For me it’s anything that makes me feel rejected, disrespected, or invalidated. Unfortunately that covers a lot of things.

Abandonment is a huge one. Personally, my biggest trigger is someone not standing up for me. As I kid I was abused & nobody said/did anything about it. As an adult when I don't stand up for myself & the person I trust doesn't say anything I immediately feel small & worthless. It's something I've been working on for a long time.

being unheard, dismissed, or misunderstood is my biggest trigger. especially if someone isn’t an active listener and not responding even just a “i understand why that would upset you/whatever feeling” or “i would be upset about that too”

Tone is a huge one for me. If I’m talking to someone and they have even the slightest upset/mad tone in something they say I immediately think “I must have said something to upset them” and I over analyze the hell out of it.

I'm so sensitive to abandonment and rejection. If people don't like me or are annoyed by me or disgusted by me it freaks me out. I'm trying to recover from addiction right now but the emotional pain inside is unthinkable.

I lost a good friend because he has BPD and it became unbearable. He would attack and mock me over little disagreements or differences of opinion. He sounds like a 10 year old having a tantrum and I could not take his abuse. Such a shame because in other ways he was a great guy and I still miss him. What an unfortunate condition.

I'm jobless and I'm triggered by all kinds of people's words, like they literally gave me advices sincerely and I just got mad thinking about how useless I've been all my life, how abnormal I am, and all bad things that I did. It's just shitty how I can't even control my thoughts, not saying my life

She nails it. Thank you for calling us "people with BPD" instead of "borderline". Thank you.

The emotional flashbacks are intense and are triggered usually by things that press on the abandonment buttons Shifts in energy, tones yes

yep. my now ex friend went crazy over "tone" constantly, even in a text message or email. the toxicity became unbearable and when I tried to end it and walk away in peace, that's when she showed the scariest side of herself. im a survivor of abuse and put up with her to my own detriment. I did what needed to be done to protect my child and myself from her abuse

My therapist is retiring in a few months. This is our 8th year working together. She's helped me more than I can say. I don't know how to cope.

I’m BPD but I don’t relate to the abandonment part so much usually because I don’t form relationships to begin with. Even if people do abandon me, I’m expecting it from day 1 so I never truly trust them. I very much use the technique of pushing people away and putting a wall up.

For me if someone is unclear or not decisive makes me so anxious.

Absolutely 💯 abandonment. I was dealing with a patient yesterday who was triggered by a sense of abandonment by the nurses. Patient felt that time between checks was too long. He became violent. I was able to successfully de-escalate the patient and gain compliance. I used the LEAP method of communication that I adapted for security. I validated the patients feelings. I reassured the patient by actively listening and repeating back. Found something common to agree on and developed a plan (return to bed and get treatment.) Had a great outcome to this combative person call.

and for the partner it's like being afraid you've triggered a landmine

ANYTHING can trigger someone with BPD, things are black or white with them and there are no shades of grey in between. My 28 y/o daughter was diagnosed years ago with BPD and she can explode in the middle of a normal conversation or to a neutral comment about something not affecting her personally, refusing to even consider a different point of view or use common sense, although she is normally very even keeled and reasonable. She and her dogs live with me and it’s like walking on eggshells, never knowing what will trigger her next, just like when her narcissistic father was around. The best way I found to deal with it is to recognize that she cannot reason at that moment and either drop the subject or park it for a better time if it still needs to be addressed. The interesting part is that she later thinks about it, reconsiders and, not being good at expressing emotions verbally, comes home with something I may like such as Australian licorice, a veg. burrito, a sushi roll, etc. Life with a BPD person (or anyone in the Cluster B) is a rollercoaster of emotions.

Those seem like things that would bother a lot of people whether BPD or not.

You haven't lived until you have had someone w/BPD turn on you when they feel rejected. The viciousness, the threats, the outsized drama. Then they turn it on themselves, and declare that they will "end it all". It can go back to attacking you, or their self-attack can continue. Teaching someone w/BPD to get off this rollercoaster is incredibly difficult. They have to want to get off, see their reactions as unsuccessfully getting what they wish (connection and comfort), and they have to work hard to alter the automaticity of these behaviors. If their behaviors work successfully with one person one time, change grinds to a halt. Wear your seatbelt to treat BPD. And then tighten it.

I wish that I had known about BPD and NPD years ago. I would have had a better understanding and more compassion towards some relatives in my family. Thank you Dr Ramani for sharing your knowledge.