Why Loving Your Narcissist HURTS so much!

"Narcissist use words to impress and manipulate , never to communicate"

The narcissist holds your dreams hostage.

It was only a ten month relationship and it is still unfathomable to me the amount of damage done in such a short period of time. Even after therapy I don’t think I’ll ever be the same. I don’t hate him, I don’t care what happens to him anymore. What I do hate is how he changed me. I don’t think I’ll ever trust a man again and that just sucks, because I know what love is supposed to feel like. I had that with my late husband and it was wonderful. I wish I had never started dating again after my husband died. I should have been happy with having true love at least once in my life. Some people never get it. It’s all good and I’m moving on. I’ve sold my house, my furniture, everything. I leave for France in 15 days. I’m not a victim, I’m just going to do what makes me happy.

I noticed when he talked about his exes, there was no awareness of their individuality. He would talk about their appearance, their status, their bodies, how much they were into him. There was no appreciation for their personalities. A huge red flag.

The trauma bond killed my soul. I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety and have to attend therapy. The only way to heal is no contract and time.

I’m laying on my bed openly sobbing. This was everything that I have lived. Sam is correct. He should have just put me out of my misery. I am forever broken. 19 years. 8 sexless years only to be thrown away. I hate him. I hate myself for having allowed all his disgusting devaluation. I am grieving for who I was and not knowing who I am now.

You really are never the same. You are right, nobody understands when you try to explain. It forces you to see people in ways you never dreamed of because you can't believe anybody can be so empty, so callous, uncaring, so dismissive of another human being. It also forced me to consider how I had ended up with somebody like this. The answer: my family background and my own trauma experiences. That relationship took more from me than my love for him. But one thing I did gain was my self respect. Somehow, I held on to my sense of worth, although negative thoughts do sometimes creep back in. I am now hypervigilant and untrusting of others and myself (are my judgments of others really that bad? Am I just too naive?). It is a truly heartwrenching and soul destroying experience to go through.

"There's nobody there to appreciate your absence... And there was nobody there to appreciate your presence." Oof. The painful truth of it right there.

“A gimmick by a demented clown”. Sums it up perfectly.

It become an addiction. Its like a drug. You feel lost. Left in the dark. Questioning if there is wrong with you. Everyday you feel this pain inside you and feels like it's never go away. You being controlled by the idea of him.

It's one of the saddest videos I've ever seen, but thanks for helping me drain my sorrows

This one hit home Sam. Especially the lack of empathy and compassion when you need them the most “there’s nobody there for you”.

Most accurate explanation of this horrific experience I’ve ever heard. The greatest pain of all

22:20 he wouldn't let you love him. That's the most painful thing . And his love is utterly conditional on the service or performance you provide

living with them is like knowing a neighbor next door. You see them on a regular basis but you really don't know them. you may know their name , where they work their favorite restaurant and so on but there is no connection.

The most difficult break up to get over ever! Harder than my divorce. The relationship could only be described as groundhog day with a mask... Alternately a sophisticated man, then a goofy child. No explanations that made any sense, a pathological fear of his being 'used', serious attachment to money and objects. I seemed to be just a extension of him, just one of a long line of women

One of the best descriptions of the trauma ,destruction ,and misery with a sadistic robot I divorced

The contempt gets greater and greater... they hate us so much!

Absolutely traumatizing.

I wish we could talk more about the mourning periods when you know it’s actually over. I’m mourning the version of him I knew because somehow, I’ve convinced myself it was a real version of him. I’m mourning the friend I thought I knew for so long. He’d do the meanest things and just so easily be able to say “this is just how I am.” I hated wishing he would be different. I hated being shown early that there was potential for difference, bc then I expected that same treatment and it drove me mad trying to get back to that sweet spot. Leaving him alone for weeks to months… thinking all he needed was more space. More this more that. Then, he’d finally love me. Nothing I did was ever enough, but deep in my heart I miss my friend. My imaginary friend. Fuck that sounds so sad. I send his inner child love as much as I can. Every day. I’ve been through enough to understand that sometimes people say they love you, and then hurt you irrevocably. I’ve forgiven him, I wish I could forget. With time it does get easier to be without them. But I almost miss the familiar sting of his disappearing acts. I miss believing I have to earn love. It gave me something to fight for. A goal. It’s always been how I’ve experienced love; conditionally like an exchange. Now that I’m seeing a healthy person who doesn’t make me jump through hoops, the adrenaline junkie in my nervous system sometimes wants to run back to danger. But I don’t. I know I’m better off without this in my life. I just wish I didn’t have to be.