Why Did NOBODY Notice YOU'RE Autistic Before?

Picture It, SmallTown USA, 1982. "She can't be autistic. She talks and she's a girl."

I’m a teacher, we are NOT allowed to diagnose people. Can we tell you have it? 100%! We can see, but are not allowed to talk about it with parents. We can say observations we notice, and ask for the family to undergo testing, but if parents don’t realize the importance of following up, it never happens. I see so many children in school struggling, particularly girls.

I’m a female, born in 1975, raised in backwoods Georgia, USA. The only advice EVER RECEIVED was “just try harder.” Easier said than Autism and adhd can do… Diagnosed 8/2023.

My autistic traits were written all over my school reports. My struggles were blamed on my other disability and I was told I had to fix myself.

To this day, even being diagnosed, people said to me "I don't understand why you are having so many problems, you are SO INTELLIGENT" and I just wanna punch something because WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?!

I am 55 years old. I was diagnosed with Aspergers in the 4th grade but my parents did not tell me. I only know because a therapist thought I might be Autistic. I went on Facebook and read entries from a Parent of Autistic children group. Their stories about their children sounded a lot like my childhood. I told some of my friend and none of them were surprised. I told one of my cousins and she told me I was diagnosed with Asperger's in elementary school. I think my parents did me disservice because I constantly wanted to commit suicide because I was not fitting in and could not understand why.

I sucked my thumb until the 4th grade, skipped everywhere, carried my schoolbooks on my head, and couldn't properly socialize with other kids, was constantly beat up, and was sent to a special school bc i couldnt mainstream. Finally diagnosed at age 49!

I’m black and born in 1977 I was just diagnosed in May. Race and gender is a major factor that has hindered diagnosis in America.

I argued when they said my son was autistic. I said, sarcastically, "Well if he's autistic, so am I, because I was the same as him". That's when I first started to understand why being 'the best at reading books' wasn't a family gift passed down from my mother.

The first I ever heard of autism, was my mother explaining to me why I wasn’t vaccinated. She made it sound so horrible! Well, jokes on her, becaus we are definitely BOTH autistic 🎉

Not only ignorance, but my parents were both struggling with their own depression and problems, and most likely were neurodivergent as well. That might be the case for many other late diagnosed autistics. Frankly, I blame my teachers and school staff a lot more than I blame my parents. My parents probably saw our traits and thought they were normal because that's what their own childhoods were like. As for advocacy, I can only thank creators like you for helping me not feel ashamed or scared or hopeless about my diagnosis. Seeing autistic people being so open and honest and sometimes even proud about their autism makes me feel less embarrassed, stronger, and more patient with myself. I'm even making art and comics about my own experiences now. Thank you!

Quinn, please contact the suicide loss groups and suicide prevention people. These Youtube videos have made it crystal clear to me that my friend who took his life was autistic. Survivors deserve to know. Teachers, pastors, medical doctors, cops and suicide hotlines need to understand this risk.

It's too bad, that the World use(d) punishment to deal with us and our unknown condition, but offer NO FORGIVENESS even after learning about its existence.

before i got diagnosed by a doctor, or recognized by my parents, a random stranger on tumblr diagnosed me as an aspie. :] i made a lengthy vent post on my blog about my life long struggles with communication, self harm, school, and retaining/following instructions and they told me i should look into signs of autism in girls! matched me to a T. though my mom denied it, but a few years later i had the papers to prove it. Lol the strange thing is that— A. apparently my older sister (who basically raised me) had been pointing out that i had textbook development differences and difficulties since i was a BABY and should be tested, but my parents ignored her since she was a teen and there was "nothing wrong" with me. and B. the moment my diagnosis became public, every aunt and uncle came out of the woodworks to admit they "had a feeling"! it's so frustrating that autism is such a taboo topic that adults would rather watch a child struggle with a lack of understanding of the world & themselves than be the one to break the "bad news" that they're just different and need support.

Thank you for discussing this! This is something I think about a lot. As a child, I was minimally verbal (did not become fully verbal until my 20s), suffered from chronic pain due to sensory overwhelm, cried basically daily, did not have any real friends until I transferred to public school and met diagnosed autistic classmates, etc etc. I know my parents believe autism doesn't exist, but I often can't help but wonder what my pediatrician and elementary school teachers thought. Were they simply uneducated? Did they dismiss it because I'm a girl or because I was smart? How many people noticed, but thought it would do me more harm than good to receive a diagnosis? Ultimately, it doesn't matter, but I often think back to that little girl, struggling and suffering without accomodation, and wonder what justification each person had for refusing me proper care and accomodations.

Actually my back then boyfriend told me in 1988 that I am autistic. We had just watched the movie Rainman in the Theater together. I was highly offended and dismissed it for the next 30 years, until my daughter read the DMS 5 and selfdiagnosed herself as autistic. She wanted me to confirm her view on herself by reading the questions to me. And all the while I was like: "Hey wait, that is me!"

I am so obviously autistic that its unreal that it took until I was 62 to be diagnosed by a psychiatrist. This was just before Covid and I'm 66 now and although he took me through all the Autism 50 and DSM criteria, I am still awaiting my formal assessment. My dad, definitely his brother and 3 male cousins on my dad's side were all autistic and diagnosed (the cousins) young as they were boys and were more impacted than I was. I was just the painfully shy little girl who didn't like other little girls and would rather be with animals or have my face in a book. Its quite distressing as it caused a fair bit of actual physical abuse at primary school and many other things that made me feel "other" and "unwanted" the description "cold and detached" was one I got thrown at me my whole life and I often wonder if my parents would have seen me differently had I been diagnosed like my male cousins. Not likely though it was the 1960s and they seemed to think it was somehow sex linked. Its frustrating but I'm so glad I know why I am the way I am, so tied to routines, socially anxious and almost anti social, in that I prefer my own company or that of animals and don't want people, apart from maybe one or two others in my personal space. Relationships have always been strained as I was always being accused of coldness and disinterest. I can however live with people if they are like me, in that they respect my boundaries and don't need to be in my face 24/7. My partner now, although undiagnosed would surprise me if he was found not to be on the spectrum as he likes his own space and we get on fine, albeit in 2 different rooms except for mealtimes. Lol! Theres obviously some sensory issues, especially loud sharp noises that I cant stand and having to have clothes without tags, just printed labels on the inside of the actual garments. Theres stimming, which I thought was just something I did whilst waiting or talking to people. But the "otherness" and alien-ness and not wanting to communicate with girls my age, boys were somewhat easier but any social intercourse was harrowing. Thanks for this as its explaining why I slipped through, I really think you are correct about age being the main thing.

Hindsight can be a wonderful thing, but it's never around when you need it!

As a highly intelligent AFAB person born in 1988, I didn't stand a chance of getting an early diagnosis, despite definitely showing clear signs throughout my childhood. I'm glad I know about it now, though, because it has really helped me understand myself.

When I discovered that I was probably Autistic 7 years ago (on turning 60) and I told a friend that I was applying to get diagnosed, they said they already knew!!! I was flabbergasted and asked if they knew why didn't they tell me? So many of us Boomers were totally ignored or told we were difficult at school. I didn't think I was difficult, I was just bored. I was able to read before I started primary school at 5. I remember telling the teacher that I found their Janet & John books really boring and could I have something that was more interesting. Luckily, I used to pass a library on the way to & from school so I used to stop off there on the way home and read for hours. I found maths harder to understand because no one would explain how the relationship between maths and the relevance to everything in life was intermingled. I was a lot older before I found out about this. Had I known this when I was younger I may have had more interest in maths. My parents used to say I born asking the question why? But no one would actually explain anything to me. So, I have spent most of my life teaching myself.