Asperger Syndrome: Relationships

I think that if you are gunna have a relationship with someone with AS I believe that it's important to read bout it before you enter into it, that's what I did when I got in a relationship with my boyfriend who has AS but tbh I treat him normally as any other person. He does find it hard to read my emotions but then I've learned to tell him either by using a gesture or just telling him. It can be hard sometimes but I love him so it doesn't really affect me :)

I like what you said about if people like you or not.  People have to tell you that they like you, otherwise you won't know.  That's great to know, because I never know if someone likes me or not.  Being a guy, it's difficult because a Woman is not going to tell me she likes me, she's waiting for me to tell HER!  Thank you for sharing that.

I hope this helps you to feel better. To me, you seem like a perfectly normal person with perfectly normal relationship "problems". I'm glad you are taking the time to 'talk' about this in a video as I am sure you are helping others (especially those diagnosed with AS) to feel less alone. I think you're a very lovely lady and I wish you the best.

You are a very lovely young woman and special in a good way.  Perhaps when people around can live more in harmony with eachother, with less self-centred 'about me' approaches then perhaps you will find things a lot easier...  Perhaps it's just that you already understand intuitively/naturally about 'realness'... when people are being true and honest... or just being pretentious/fake... maybe that is your black and white...  you understand honesty and decency and will not accept compromise...  and you want others to be the same... good luck special lady xx

I'm actually engaged now and I don't think I've ever lied to my partner, and I never ever would, I always tell the truth to him

I have Asperger's Syndrome. I'm extremely uncomfortable being social. Black and white or concrete thinking is my personality. I was told once that I had schizo-affective disorder. I am paranoid but that is because of social anxiety. I am obsessions about the weirdest subjects. Perhaps fetishes. I feel like weird and deranged because I have them. I will get into specific detail if you want but I'm extremely embarrassed about it. I've had this since I was 4 or 5 years old. I also catch myself rocking back and forth during anxiety attacks as well as crying over things that seem trivial. I hate being around other people that are authority figures what's more being interrogated or questioned. If that happens I feel guilty for being who and what I am. Unless I volunteer something don't ask me. This however is okay to ask just you for now.

Don't worry about passing it on to children. People will get it no matter what, and what better parent for the child than one who has gone through the same? Do not deny yourself a family just because you're afraid of this :)

Maybe for others, Aspergers is more detrimental. I have always been very happy and although have had bad days, have never been stuck in a state of depression. Can still understand how some do. It has not been a big problem for me, but overall feel it's been a benefit. Only that I have always wondered why I have had trouble with people even though I have always tried to be as pleasant as I could and that didn't work. Just sharing that it is possible to be happy and have a fruitful life with Aspergers. I am into my 40's now and the difficulties are a bit of a downer yet only focus on what I can fix. Still understand it can be hard for more severe cases.

I agree with your comments on behavior. I find that when people first meet me, I butt heads with them a lot, but then over time they get used to me and we get along. But I was thinking, maybe they just accommodate my unacceptable behavior without me ever learning what is right. I would love for people to tell it to me straight, not sugar coat anything, and maybe beat my ass a few times until I get it. There are too many fake, pretentious people in the world.

I was diagnosed with aspergers a few years ago and video blogs like yours have been very helpful in understanding some of the difficulties I have experienced. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Peace

Im 17, I have a hard time talking to my ex boyfriend and not understanding social hits during that time. I get scared and start to worry about my relationship and what was happening. Even with some of the people that I know who have been in my life, I feel lonely.

I will be the first to agree, romance comes very hard for people with AS. But, I am living proof it is not impossible. June 13th will be the 28th wedding anniversary for  Sharon and me. I have heard all over the aspie community, "I wish I could find a boyfriend/girlfriend."

I fell into a major depression back in 2007 and I was eventually diagnose with Aspergers Syndrome when I was 16. BUT, they didn't tell me until I was 22. In my opinion this was a HUGE mistake from the part of my mom and my psychologist. I wished I would have known back then... It would have made things so much easier. Now about relationships, I have been single my whole life. I'm 23 (about to be 24 soon) and I have no idea if I would ever have one nor I'm worried about it as much. The reason for this because I'm not the type of person who can just go out with someone as if it was nothing special. I'm very cautious about what I chose and I just can't see myself going out with someone just because the "fun" of it. I would want a serious relationship and not something to be like a "game". However, I've had my close ups and have experienced more or less what it would be to have a girlfriend and at the end of the day, I have come to realize I'm better off being single. To tell the truth, I would love to have a girlfriend, but sadly at the end it would bring me more stress and anxiety than happiness and joy. I'm better off single and living life on my own rather than with someone. I wish more people would understand this situation and this decision...

I'm an NT and have an AS girl friend (two words) that I really like and she really likes me as well. We have been really close for 8 years now. I'm 25, she's 26. We've talked about a relationship before, but she has said at various times, she's not ready, doesn't know if she will be or if she even wants one. But she really likes me and likes to spend time with me, even though we only do so once every few weeks. We've had disagreements and even a couple big fights where we didn't speak for a while, but I really do love her, she knows that, and I've told her. Well a few years ago, I decided I would just let the whole thing drop for a while and just allow us to enjoy each other see and (hopefully) she would decide to want a relationship with me. So we went a few years without me ever bringing it up. Well just recently maybe 6-7 weeks ago, we were in the car, and I brought it up again, that I had been thinking about where we were going, and if we had a future together, and told her I loved her and wanted to be with her (officially), and she said, I've been thinking about it, too....and I just don't know. For the first time since I've known her, she started crying in front of me, I put my arm around her and kinda rubbed her back as an effort to somewhat comfort her...and she said, "I just have so much anxiety and depression. Maybe I need to get help." I tried to comfort her. And we didnt' really settle anything and she got out of the car and left. Shortly after that, I had a surgery out of state, and I kept in communication with her to let her know how I was. Well as I started to get better, I noticed her texting started to get funny. She was never a big texter, didn't always text back, which I learned to accept as just how she was, but it just started to get weird. Like she quit using punctuation and if the answer to the text took more than 3 words, forget it. She wasn't responding. And a few times I asked her what was wrong, and it was,"Nothing, just busy" Finally after about 6-7 weeks recovery (it was a neurosurgery), and after 3 different weeks of asking, I finally got her to go out to dinner to which her only response was, "We can try I guess." I kinda thought she'd want to see me considering she hadn't since surgery, but hmm. Anyway, we went out, and something was definitely wrong. She usually gets fairly talkative with me and listens really well, but she was just very stand offish and anything I said it was almost like she was attempting to sound as uninterested as she possibly could. Dinner was awkward. She would talk, but it was just kinda...weird. I asked her what was wrong that something seeemed to bother her, and she says, "Nope. Just been really busy." Well after another 20 minutes and not much said (anything I said, she didn't really answer except for a few words), then I finally asked her, nicely, "Hey what's wrong? I can tell something's bothering you." And she replies back very emphatically, "STOP...ASKING ME!" So that was the end of that. She got a little bit better as dinner went on, and then we went back to her apartment outside, and were sitting in the car. And I told her, "You know, I'm not ASKING what's wrong, but I just don't want you to feel like you can't talk to me. You can tell me anything. If something's wrong it's okay." She hesitated for about 15-20 seconds and just says, "I don't think we should do stuff together anymore." (and we had been for almost 8 years). I was fairly shocked. She said, "I just don't want a relationship, and it's not that I don't with you, I don't with anyone." FYI, she has never dated or spent time with any other male person besides me or her brothers. She said, "I just think you have this expectation and what we're doing isn't healthy." I asked her if she wanted to do this, and she says, "I just think it's best. You need to move on. You'll find someone else and get over me." I then asked her if she loved me. She hesitated and said, "I like you....as a friend." I said, "That's not what I asked. I said do you love me, yes or no." And she then looked deep in thought and goes, "I dont' know." Then I asked her if she would be okay with me being with someone else (and I told her it was hypothetical. There was nobody and at the moment, I had and still have no intention of even looking). She paused again, and then said, "I would have a really hard time with it at first. But I would get over it in time." And when I tried to comfort her this time, she said, "Don't touch me." So she obviously feels something (I think) if she would admit that. She has admitted that she is very afraid as well. We basically agreed not to decide anything either way right now and just keep things going as is. But I have been doing a lot of thinking. What should I do, or what is anyone's advice or perception on this, especially maybe if you are an aspergers woman. Mightn't she change her mind and overcome her fear? Because this caught me totally off guard. Things were actually going so well before this (she even went to a wedding with me, which was huge), and I finally said something becaue it just felt right, it felt time. She didn't say no initially but then after she had some time to herself, it was like she had just resolved to want to end it and act cold toward me. After 8 years, she just wanted to cut off seeing each other, just like that. I'm at a loss (FYI Her job has been super stressful lately, so I don't know how much that might play into it)

Always I tend to don't care if a close friend leaves me and doesn't make me sad when a friend stops being friends with me. I feel relieved.

Thank you for sharing and also (indirectly) speaking out for those who cannot really do so. Peace! God Bless

I have Asperger's and it's been more than a year since my diagnosis. I have been single since I was 18 and I am nearly 24. I seem to be repugnant and unapproachable. I fail to garner the attraction of the opposite sex at all. This year, I had no choice but to break what had become over a year of progressively withdrawing from society when I lost my accommodation and had to rely on living with others. I started going out again and at parties, women started paying attention to me again. They never like what they get to find when they actually start to know me. They skirt around the issue and never explain. It's obviously the affect of the AS on my behaviours, regardless of whether they'd identify it or not. I'm not sure whether we're supposed to have inter-personal emotional ambitions or not. It would seem that those on the spectrum who aren't bothered about relationships are the lucky ones. I have no family contact and no support network and I feel often and increasingly that I require the emotional sanctity and affirmation that I see the Neurotypical experience in relationships. I don't know any other AS sufferers. Not any without other pervasive developmental disorders or personality disorders anyway. I guess it's always harder for men, due to social expectations of men initiating sexual or emotional interest. With such a certainty that one is unable to attain such things, it leaves no room for ambition. I say that they ought to give us the choice of Euthanasia!

Im 35 and never been in a close relationship to a woman,I appaer normal,quite handsome,look very young for age(20-25) want relationship to but I want a special one,not just anybody. Kind of hard to get to know people here in Norway and I have trouble functioning in jobs. My doctor think i have asberger or avoidant/depentant personality disorders or development disorder. I have been interested in many woman but they never let me close,i find that a bit od,appaer normal most of time. I want more friensd and be part of society,but It is not that easy. I dont feel or see myself as ill,and that it a great thing :) Years past and I frankly give a damn,but I am a optimistic person and I hope,kind of know that one day,it is my turn :)

I am an aspie, and I still struggle with relationships at 40, however, I have gotten better with age. I make friends easier now and am more comfortable with myself. Less self doubt and worry. Things will get better!

Thanks for sharing, I have (2) close friends with "Asp" sons, do what I can to be understanding and supportive. Wish you well! Regards