Parentified Children as Adults in Relationships (with Dr. Daria Zukowska)

I was parentified but most severely after college. I was made felt guilty for moving on with my life. This has affected me severely. I run from relationships. I don’t like anyone controlling or loving me. I feel like an imposter in relationships as an adult. I don’t want kids to transfer this trauma.

Greetings from America! This was truly enlightening. I recently learned the terms parentifying and infantilizing from my therapist. My mother (and Grandiose father) was a narcissist... divorced when I was 8 yrs old. I have a bunch of brothers and, by default, became a surrogate mother b/c I was the only girl. I can identify w/ almost every behavior that you both mentioned... hyper-vigilance, extremely sensitive, scanning others in order to anticipate their every need, feeling alive/my best when caring for others. My mother died 2 yrs ago; I realized I swapped my husband for my mother. However, my therapist is wonderful, and I am willing and eager to do the work of separation/individualization in order to find myself again. Thank you for bringing your vast knowledge to this topic and for doing this work!!

This is very enlightening. I can see everything from a different perspective now. I have been in the process of healing for many years but didn't really understand. I think my parents did their best. They both have their own childhood trauma to reconcile. Now that I have a grandson, I am emotionally healthier than I was, raising my own children. Still a long way to go. I think all of us have unique and incredible stories to tell. When we finally get to a point of self awareness and begin to make changes in ourselves it is literally like a veil has been lifted from our eyes.

A friend of mine definitely was a parentify child...i noticed through the years that whenever she is in the verge of a breakthrough professionally, she self sabotages herself by changing gears and completely changing her path in life. It has been a puzzle to me, until I saw this video. It is probably a fear not of failure but of being "discovered as an imposter" that propels her to abandon a project (or a relationship) just when it is about to succeed....

This is the best lecture on parentification that I have found thus far. Thank you both

Here is my life training to prepare me for my life of being the failed ideal mother of my vunerable narcissistic partner and the ideal mother I never had. The reliable, solid predictable financially responsible, mother cleaning up the wreckage. Finally after being my own mother since I was born I have learned to be 2 mothers at one time and I resent it immensely.

Wow. This is what I needed to hear today. As a 59 year old parentified daughter caring for her 80 year old Covid positive mother the past 12 days I have reran the gauntlet of emotions, from my childhood that I have been working hard to process. I have been in therapy and working the, “Twelve Steps,” for the past four years and I find your videos supportive to that mental and emotional work. Thank you both for sharing.

Wow Sam I can’t imagine what you went thru as a child, I’m so sorry this happened to you. I have so much respect for you parenting everyone when you didn’t even know how.

One of the best videos you've ever made.

Spot on remark concidering people needing a licence to perform certain tasks consiously, in opposition to paretnhood, where no "licence" or any kind of certification is requred. Thank You Sam

You know... In watching this, it must be said that all this can also be applied to a society as well. Right now, the government of the United States is run like this. My question is this, how does an entire society get professional help?

So true, every word 😢 by the way, I absolutely detest the idea of having children. I would feel overwhelmed by responsibility. Like I would be trapped in a cage for 20 years. I have my dog and we are a very happy duo ❤❤

🤗Thank you

Dr. Sam: I have been listening to your work for quite some time. My husband of 22 yrs has NPD and 8 months ago became psychopathic. Trying to make sense of it all is overwhelming. I have found your knowledge & insight very helpful. This one in particular is right on the money. Mine was raised by a Borderline(failed Narcissist) & his Father left never to b seen again when his younger brother was one. He became GOD to the Mother & a Father to the brother. I would never have married him knowing just how deep & sinister their trauma bond was.

Adult Children of Alcoholics and otherwise dysfunctional families check it out. Dr Sam pretty cool too

One of the best lectures that I desperately needed to hear.

I was raised by my grandparents until 9 , lived with narcissistic mother until 16, then off to boarding school. -- Helped mother move across country at 18 , mother moved to different country at 19-- I married a narc at age 20.

Then your siblings you grew, grow up and hate and abandon you…your parents deny everything

WOW!!! MIND BLOWN!!! NOW, I have answers that I have been searching for!!! Now I know my internal dialogue and how so.

Eye opening as always mental awareness at its best!! Thanks Sam!