Confusing Narcissism and ADHD

Going from my own experience, I think adults with untreated ADHD end up emulating or convergently evolving symptoms similar to narcissism.

Narasists are the ADHD worst enemy. We both seek emotions from others, but ADHD seek Dopamine (people pleasing) not Narsasistic Distruction.

This is a Neurotypical perspective that doesn’t consider the Double Empathy problem (Damien Milton) at all. Neurotypicals egotistically thinking that they are the epitome of ‘normal’ and that others who are Neurodivergent are therefore ‘lacking.’ The world is beginning to awaken to the fact that Humaity is divergent and by doing so is beginning to acknowledge and to recognise no ‘tribe’ be it Neurotypical or Neurodivergents are greater or lesser than one another-we are all simply different. Humanity needs ‘different’ brains to survive.Human Divergence is natural and has always been here.

Almost all people I have ever met with Adhd/add have been and still are THE SWEETEST people...which amazing consisering how much SHIT they've taken from very mean people. ALL the narcs I've ever met, to this day.... are EVIL.

The best, most objective video I saw on the topic. Thank you sincerely.

I am diagnosed ADHD with cPTSD. My dad is diagnosed Aspergers, so high functioning autistic. My mother is, imo, ADHD with c-PTSD and a covert narc but is smart enough to hide the narc traits from outsiders. ADHD looks like narcissism because the short term memory issues look like gaslighting and c-PTSD compounds them. Because I can't trust my memory, I have trouble holding conversations due to the anxiety of forgetting important things about people I do know on top of the short term memory problems. I just called an acquaintance I've seen weekly for years by the wrong name three times in a row because my brain glitched; that stuff makes it look like you only care about yourself. Thing is, ADHD-only people care, they just can't trust their memory and not remembering gives off the impression you're a narc who truly doesn't care because generally the one topic you can remember clearly at any point is you although even that is up for grabs at times. My mother, on the other hand, also forgets frequently and the ADHD plus the not caring about what other people have going unless it personally impacts her makes it happen far more often. Quite frequently the actually caring about people helps information stick slightly better when it's just ADHD, especially if (in my case) I can tie a strong enough emotion to it. Which isn't to say my mother can't remember, but it's usually going to be because she wants to use that information in the future to inflate her ego or cut you down later. There is also a certain amount of noticeable self-aware malevolence and/or vindictiveness to her actions and she's outright abusive. For instance, my adopted tween-age sister had a problem with telling stories about people. She made something up about me and I called her out on it. Long story short, I told my sister she had to tell the truth to the people she'd spread the story around to if she wanted to make things right and, to her credit, she actually did. My mother's reaction? 'Wow, that was way worse than just beating her like I was going to', listed all the reasons that it was worse so she could gloat (sis already had issues with the person she had come clean to for the same reason), and she was giddily gleeful about it being worse (and never mind that, while it wasn't pleasant for my sis, it wasn't as bad as my mother thought because sis wasn't a narc and part of the problem was that sis didn't care about her rep the way my mother did). Never ever occurred to her that if a kid makes a mistake the natural consequence should be that they have to clean up the mess they made, it was all some kind of way of me intentionally trying to be extra malicious in punishing my sister. Severe lack of empathy, and yes, my mother was severely abused as a child which contributed to that lack of empathy. That is the difference between a narc and just ADHD. ADHD is generally involves a certain level of unintentional thoughtlessness and argumentativeness d/t memory impairment and impulsiveness. Narcissism has a certain amount of calculated malevolence to it because a narc will always shaft you to get what they want or what makes them feel 'good' (which can sometimes be problematic to recognize when dealing with the martyr type). When ADHD is paired with narc traits, it really sucks because you never know what is actually genuine thoughtlessness and what was intentional. The likelihood of abuse, especially physical abuse, goes up because they like to make themselves feel better by using the person 'making' them feel 'bad' as a punching bag when their emotions dysregulate. Each is it's own little thing, but I consider those three (ADHD, PTSD, and narcissism) an especially unholy triad because they amplify each other. My autistic dad could be abusive at times but it was very routine, we knew what would set him off and could predict it fairly easily. Living with my mother's ADHD exacerbated narcissist chaos made life hell, anything we did that she felt made her look bad made her lose her s*** and then she'd rile dad up. Because of the narcissism angle, nothing was ever her fault and it never flippin' occurred to her that maybe she was the one who needed to change. Or that any of the abuse she meted was real abuse since only what her parents did to her was 'real' abuse.

My ex spouse was diagnosed as an adult with adhd and he has the worst RSD I have ever encountered. He would find criticism and rejection where none was there. I could comment on the weather and he would ask me why I hated him. I had to walk on eggshells, I had to constantly monitor my tone and inflection, choose my words so carefully. He saw everything as all or nothing, if I had a need, he saw that as me implying that he wasn't allowed to have a need. If his RSD got triggered, it would set off days of him screaming at me, calling me names, belittling me, insulting me, etc. And there was no way I could explain that all I said was "it's raining," he would tell me to stop gaslighting him, that he knew I was secretly insulting his whole family by saying "it's raining." His yelling was often so loud and so out of control that the neighbors would call the cops and the cops often had to content with him being just as verbally aggressive with them. If I expressed that I thought a movie he liked was anything less than world class art, he would sabotage everything I did for the next week. He would purposefully stay up late playing loud music to "punish" me for insulting his beloved favorite movie, even knowing I had important work stuff going on. If I had interests that weren't his interest, he would call me stupid and idiotic and say "oh, so you like reading? I guess that means you think I'm just an asshole. I know you secretly hate everyone who enjoys listening to punk music. All readers hate punk." But I could never complain about it. If I complained about this treatment, I was told that "RSD is more painful for the person who experiences it." so when he wrongly inferred I was rejecting him, he experienced more pain than when he called me deragatory names and assaulted my self-worth. I left that relationship a shell of my former self, I left feeling abused and gaslit and utterly unable to function as a human being. I was told that I would qualify for PTSD based on what I went though IF my ex was neurotypical. But people w ADHD can't be abusive. So what he didn't wasn't abuse. So I am "ableist" and "contributing to the stigmatization of adhd" by being broken by him. If he didn't have adhd, this would be seen as narcassistic abuse. But he has adhd. So it was just me not being accommodating enough of his behavior and I have only myself to blame for how he treated me.

NPD ist the most miss diagnosis when it comes to ADHD. True is that the ADHD personality evokes the impression that he is a egocentric person. The ADHD person seems to care less about social rules and to do things more his way. Thats because they early found out, that you can`t do things in the wayy neurotypicals do, if you want to have a chance to get em done. Although the impression ADHD persons being egoistic and often self-absorbed might be right, there is no lack of empathy. And that`s the main point in differencing NPD from ADHD.

I think this is an issue that has been referred to as the "empathy gap" between neurotypical people and neurodivergent people such as people with ADHD and Autism. As a late diagnosed ADHDer and I also believe I am on the Autism spectrum I've felt "narcissistically abused by "normal" people all my life as I've found them lacking in empathy for people who are different than they are and I was constantly blamed and shamed for not "acting" or "behaving" "normal" or "properly". It felt like I was gaslit by the whole world but I just couldn't figure out what was "wrong" with me and no one seemed to be able to tell me until I finally did my own research into ADHD and "High functioning" Autism and everything started to make a whole lot of sense even if I still struggle with functioning in the "normal" world.

I have ADHD and the tone of his voice made it impossible for me to pay any attention. I saw it 2 times. Good for monetization eheheh I shared it in a group of victims of narcissists. I hope you understand the difference, because it's annoying to always be compared to people with no empathy and inflated egos!

Amen and thank you for this. I just left a sup who was both narcissistic and ADHD.

Ps Natural human divergence is born..personality disorders are made.

I struggle with imposter syndrome that I don’t have adhd but am making it up and am narcissistic instead. It makes it very hard to believe myself or professionals

All of the adult women diagnosed with ADHD I have had the displeasure of working or living with have had really manipulative narcissistic behaviors some more like bpd, others more like straight narcissism.

Thank you for this..I am a senior vlinical and educationsl pdychologist specialising in emotional aspects of adhd.snd have desctibed this in detail in my book Talking Adhd..I have aldo proposed an approavh as to or to talk to,or understand adhd...

There's also a connection between AntiSocial PD aka Sociopathy to ADHD the hyperactive type. Many or Most with "Sociopathy" also have ADHD. Not saying that those with ADHD are sociopathic. Most ADHDers are far from being sociopathic.

Thanks for this video. I had a female friend with undiagnosed ADHD who would (subconsciously) emulate a few narc qualities. She would turn passive aggressive/manipulative if I turned down last minute requests to meet up and would get very defensive about petty things, rarely accepting accountability too. She also had an air of entitlement around her (she'd expect people to offer her lifts and book everything for holidays while contributing very little herself). She definitely doesn't have full blown NPD but it's a shame these overlaps occur.

Need to do a bit of myth busting here: narcissism is a natural phase we are all going through, we grow out of it if things go well. A whole different speel is toxic narcissism let alone pathological narcissism. It's a bad habit of PopPsych to throw around those terms lightly. It does not help anyone to cite DSM criteria or definitions of "what is or what not' unless you're a clinician who can discuss things with colleagues and develop a mature picture on the topic over time. ADHD and toxic narcissism are very different things, and just because some symptoms look the same, I have to tell you, that looking just at the symptoms does not cut it.. You need to delve into the history to understand properly and then make a clinical judgment.

This is so interesting. Ive been in a relationship with someone have been convinced is either autistic or narcissistic but so confused...which I guess happens ! (and I have an MA in Psychology!) He does have ADHD too but am beginning to think this may be the main event so to speak. Still...tired of analysing and trying to make things work and am thinking I may have to leave as he is so controlling and then calls me controlling for trying to change things !

Can I put a question please, if I may: If we suspect narcicism or adhd in a person close and dear to us, but are not reaslly sure which one it is, is it worth the effort making it known to them that they have offended us and hurt our feelings? In either case (narcicism or adhd), are they exonerated from guilt treating others badly? Any chance of change? Thank you for the attention, Krassimira