PØV: home doesn’t feel like home anymore.. (vent playlist

0:01 devil town -cavetown 2:54 numbers -temporex 4:49 cigarettes out the window -tv girl 6:22 jealous -eyedress 6:58 rät -Penelope Scott 9:54 alien blues -vundabar 12:29 freaks - surf curse 14:13 notion -the rare occasions 15:23 i can’t handle change -ROAR 17:25 505 -arctic monkeys 20:43 feel better -Penelope Scott 24:56 nothings new -rio Romeo 28:21 blow my brains out -tikkle me 30:08 help_urself -Ezekiel

Ever cried in bed wishing that you were at school but when you were at school wished you were at home? But at the same time you know that there is no home to you, and that everywhere you go, toxicity is everywhere.

This hits hard. In November I left behind my dads house. The house I’ve spent my entire life in. All the good memories in that place poisoned by the screams of an alcoholic father. The house I had tea parties With my grandmother as a child turned into the house I have a dark memory in each corner of the house. This playlist very well describes or represents my mentality. It felt like a prison. I will say if you can make it through life dose get better. You just have to hang in keep working and keep hoping. I know there are people in worse situations then mine was but I fully believe they can make it to the other side and find joy. It may take a while but it will come.

An artist, An artist, but never planned to paint on her skin, An artist who paints with crimson color dripping down, Her wrist, painted Dripping,on the floor, Dripping,on a pillowcase, The only colour she knew, all she knows An artist, Who feels safe in pain, An artist, But never planned to feel the art of such heartache, Such aching heart, None could fix, An artist, but Never planned having a soul of such empty colors, An artist, But never had the imagination to picture such loneliness, An artist, But never brave enough to color her canvas, so that one day she could adore her painting without a damaged paper, So that one day, She could see colors again. -a weird kid:)

It hurts when home doesn’t feel like home, but it’s still your home. Parents don’t feel like parents, but they’re still your parents. It hurts when you love your family more than anything even if they broke you in pieces and you still let them do it because you love them too much. It hurts knowing that the little brother that you grew up with is totally different from you and will never understand you… because he’s way more mentally stable than you, so for him you are just a freak. It hurts knowing that this brother in question probably hates you, because you became toxic just like your parents and you loved your family too much to be rebellious enough to break the cicle. It hurts knowing that he’s way better than you even if is younger and will probably run far away from you too, because you are no better than the parents that broke you in the past and you know that your way to love will break him too. It hurts wanting him to be just like you so you won’t lose your only friend, the child you always loved so much. It hurts being such a shitty person. It hurts when you know that you house turned you like this. It hurts having to vent this on a youtube comment because you can’t say that in front of your parents. It hurts knowing that in my house i’m the villain too. I feel so desperate, but i will keep a straight face in front of the walls of this house. Sorry for venting, thank you for reading.

as a kid i remember always thinking "i want to go home" when i was feeling uncomfortable now i'm starting to think that while i'm at home not even like things are bad at home, especially compared to others (which kinda describes everything for me; i feel shit but my situation isn't even that bad)

not the accidental notification ding during rat. 💀

I want out of this house. I need out of this house. But i can't call cpa. I can't let my little brother have this much trama like me. I need to get him out of here.

im abt to be free though ive been saving up and now have enough to run away and live comfortably until i get a new job! im so excited to be free from this shit show

I'm currently out right now, and i was scrolling through YouTube and i saw this playlist, and it really hits hard, i was out because my parents keep pestering me again, they keep controlling me, like I'm sort of like a puppet because I'm the only girl sibling, they keep saying "your the girl of the family you should be like.... and like..." and I'm honestly so fucking tired, of course i can't tell them that I'm tired, they'll say I'm being dramatic and that I'm still young and that i don't even do anything around the house, i shouldn't be tired of doing nothing, they don't understand that I'm depressed, mwhen they found out about it, they just sent me abroad for therapy, when i needed the most was their comfort, they sent me away so theh wouldn't deal with me, when i got back, they were fighting, my brothers just scrolling through their phone, acting like they weren't even there, and they never greeted me when i came back, just scolded me for being born and why i couldn't be like my uncle's daughter, how can i tell them that i lost faith in life, i lost my motivation, i don't wanna wake up, i don't want to live anymore if this is the life i have, i always wish that i have anither family who love their family equally and doesn't torture their children mentally and physically.

Yall. Why can’t my mom love me when I self harm too? She’ll ignore them. Point them out but not do anything. I want help. Professional help. But I don’t have the time. And asking myself is not what I want. I want people to know I need help too.

OMG every song lol expect a few but I'm that "I'll listen to anything" person

Dropped out, broke up, and messed up my thigh. Yippee

omg, so many fellow therians! But also, home isnt homing anymore,,,

Why cant everything go back to normal, before this all happened?

The way i start to cry when i hear this songs is really weird man (maybe its nostalgic because in 2022 i listened 2 them with my friends and now they're all gone)JDJBFKFBDJ WAHDKGNG

i was living in one house since i was born. i was living almost in poverty, without friends, i was inschool i hated. i moved with my family. now i realise that it wasnt that bad..

If you're watching this hoping to cry your eyes out wanting to feel something again, like me. All my support and all my prayers fall into you. I wish you a blessed life. i hope you feel better soon. You're enough.

I don't know anymore. been venting and knowing no one cares. And if they do, they only care because it's cruel if they don't :)

This really resonates with me. Although home conditions havent changed much for me, my point of view on them has changed significantly. I can’t see “home” the same anymore. Growing up in a place with an abusive father, and being manipulated by him on numerous occasions to overwhelm myself mentally before I was even in the double digits. He broke me into the person I am now, a forced perfectionist, afraid to talk to people and vent frustrations, and even simply being in the same room as him. I hardly even leave my own room now, all because I am too afraid to face my own scars that have yet to heal. As much as I go out to a select few people about it, they don’t understand, and I just feel tosses aside and neglected. America hasn’t been really good for me either especially with trump and all (I’m trans). I really don’t know what to do anymore. Old plans leading to nothing, and wounds that wont heal. Maybe I’ll grow the guts to go through and be free from my own purgatory.