The Single Most Important Parenting Strategy | Becky Kennedy | TED

This Ted talk should be watched at least once a month by every single parent on this planet.. Thanks…

Spot on. I am going to make that hard call to my adult child and give her the apology she deserves. The one I never received, the one I will now model for our future.

My dad wasn’t around a lot when I was a kid. When I saw him, he was always angry. However, my dad did one thing right… He always told me that he wasn’t mad at me, he was mad at what I did. That one statement had a huge impact in how I raised my kids… This talk confirmed something I knew, but could never have explained. Thank you.

Repair really works, even years later. A few months ago, my mom and I "replayed" a scene from my childhood - from 24 years ago, when I was 8 - wherein I felt I had to minimize my needs in order to not be an inconvenience, in order to be "good." At age 32, replaying this memory, I asked my mom for reassurance that asking for my needs to be met wasn't bad, and she said something incredible: "You don't have to be *good.*" I cried for so long and felt a huge weight lift. And now that scene from my childhood, that memory, I don't even think about it anymore. I used to think about it all the time when I was upset. It truly is never too late.

The phone call exercise was powerful, got tears in my eyes listening to it. Great talk Becky, I will be a better father because of this.

I was a perfect mom until I actually had children 🤭

I'm a father for the first time. My son in almost three. I do yell at him more than few times during last year and a half. During that time I've taken a DBT skills training, have listen couple of dozens webinars about self-regulation, NVC, etc. But these two sentences about agreeing that I just said something which I'm not proid of and it's not defining me as a parent seem to be a game changer. Althoug my son is just and almost three yeara old, I'll repair the situation tomorrow morning. The sooner, the quicker I learn how to do that and the better our relationship. Thank you ❤

Self repair - separating your identity - who you are, from your behaviour - what you did. then... repairing child's self blame to self trust.. wow, this is sooo deep, I need it.. thanks

Came here for a TED talk and left wiping tears from my eyes 😭

Repair, self-regulate, and revisit those moments. And, remember, it is NEVER TOO LATE. Becky, this is brilliant. Thank you!

I shouldn't have watched this at work because now I'm crying at my desk. My childhood was very, very bad and you're right, that phone call from my parents would change everything.

Throughout this talk I did feel myself tearing up, not from a parents perspective, but a childs. My relationship with my parents wasn't always great, and still isn't all the time. Repair is the perfect expression for what I've subconsciously been trying to do, not just with myself lately, but the people around me. Always trying to minimize harm, but never really being satisfied with the changes I see, and sometimes unsuccessfully bridging the gap with the people I love. Seeing repair in a new light, that disconnect is a fork in the road, and the action you take determines whether you strenghten or weaken your bonds, is mind-opening on a sincere level for me. I've always struggled managing my own feelings, not quite understanding other's. I'm honestly a little overwhelmed right now, but it feels nice to put into words what a life lesson this seemingly simple talk has been. I hope you know how impactful sharing your story with the world truly can be. Thank you, Becky.

My mother died never apologizing to me for what she put me through. I’m messed up today and can’t make decisions for myself. I get confused easily and I think horribly about myself when someone compliments me. I don’t like taking pictures with people. I have two children and I apologize to my 5 year old and accept accountability for what I’ve done. But finding a balance is hard when you think everything is your fault. This video honestly helped me more than most therapists have. Thank you

- Repair involves acknowledging moments of disconnection, taking responsibility for one's behavior, and addressing the impact on the other person. - Repair is not just about apologizing but about reconnection and addressing the emotional impact. - Repairing with children can have a lifelong impact, teaching them valuable emotional regulation and communication skills. It is never too late to repair and improve relationships with children.

It is extremely hard to learn self-regulation as an adult. But it's so worth it when you can teach the next generation so they have a chance to reach the stars without holding themselves back in negative though loops. This is fantastic and gives me so much hope for the future ✨

That is exactly what my husband has told me to do when I snap. He's not a psychologist, but I've come to realize he's right.

My parents were good at this and so many more healthy parenting practices. They showed us what unconditional love is. Thanks ❤️

I’m grateful that it isn’t too late for me to repair a rupture that was never my childrens’ fault. This was both healing and humbling. You’ve inspired me so much. I take responsibility & want to be an example of Repair to my young-adult kids, one of which just had her first baby. What a gift this was for me!

I stumbled on your video while searching for some parenting advice because of me yelling most of the time when I get frustrated. This really hits me hard. I am so struggling with calming myself down when in a heated situation.😢 I felt sorry for my child. But you know what I do? I don't let her go to sleep without me apologizing for my behaviour because I don't want to see myself to her one day. I don't want her to be like me. I want to let her know that it's not her fault, it was mine.😢 I don't want her to grow old and picture me as a terrible mom. I want to be her safest place someday.

This is the most beneficial, and self-improving TED talk I've heard in my life considering I grew up in a household where there was not much conversation about important issues. Thank you for shedding some light on the basic ways to communicate effectively with others in my family, and also with my partner. Thank you for being on this earth!!