How Stoics deal with jerks, narcissists, and other difficult people

How beautiful it is to remain silent, when someone expects you to be enraged.

This is why i love being in isolation for 90% of the time. When i interact with another person, especially if they are narcissists or rude, it takes me hours to recharge from that encounter.

Sometimes the best thing we can learn from jerks and damaged people is see them as an example of what not to be.

Removing yourself from toxic people's lives is one of the best things you could ever do for yourself 🙏

Bravo. I spent most of my adulthood doing my best to keep my criminal parents in my life without bringing me harm. The well intentioned and well adjusted would insist “you only have one mom, dad” and one day -9 years ago I realized I only have one life. I don’t know why I wasn’t born with their defects and abusive tendencies or how I didn’t end up like them but I’ll never forget the moment I read Seneca at 16 “we can’t chose our parents but we can choose whose children we become”. Thank the stars!

Often, the best way to deal with such people is to show them the attention they deserve--none at all.

I just sometimes fantasized and wished that we lived in a society where people were more conscious of their actions and kinder to one another.

I avoid negativity at all costs...I even moved out of state to escape the toxicity. No regrets.

If you would not accept behavior from a stranger there is no rule that says you must accept it from a relative. Being a relative gives them no free pass for bad treatment. IMO.

"The best revenge is to not be like that" -Marcus Aurelius

Never stoop to someone else's lows. My Mom taught me that as a child, and I have always tried to live within that thinking. Walk away, and let them reap what they have sown.

I too walked away from my family of origin. The environment was loveless, toxic and just superficial. It was the best choice I have ever made and has allowed me to heal from it. I have a family of my own now and a great peace in my life. Stoicism is right "you can't change people because ultimately it is out of your control".

As the son of a narcissist I haven’t spoken with in 8 years, I approve this message.

The best revenge is no revenge. The narcissist would like nothing more than for you to stoop down to their level so they can justify their deplorable behavoir. I grew up with a narcissist mother, about 12 years ago I just walked away from her without calling her out or seeking revenge or any kind of harm to her. I never looked back and my life got better by the day. She's gone now, I didn't bother to visit her on her death bed or go to her funeral. When I come across friends (appliances) of her I never talk about her. I will not keep her memory alive by doing anything to her, I kill her memory by treating myself with the respect I never got from her.

It's funny how you brought up this subject as I am currently dealing with this. The way I deal with it is by walking away. A narcissist is nothing but an actor, meaning you are but a prop in their reality show. Once you realize it was all fake, then you realize there is nothing there for you to hang on to. You can't dwell on something that never existed. By walking away you take away the one thing that matters most, and that's your reaction. You may not get instant satisfaction but know they can't stand it and in the end it is you who has the last laugh.

I’ve mastered the art of loving people from a distant. At 15, my father made it easy and I didn’t spoke to him for 10 years. In his absence, I became a mother and was able to rediscover his good characteristics by focusing on how he positively impacted who I am. Like you, I did prove him wrong. It was only then, I forgave him because I wanted to learn from my parent’s mistakes and be the parent I wish I had. Fortunately, many people gifted me the luxury of their absence since. I have joy, inner peace, set new boundaries and no longer a doormat for ungrateful feet. I am still working on balance but focusing on hobbies and living in the present.

I first saw this on a bumper sticker in California in 1967 — THE MORE I SEE OF PEOPLE THE MORE I LIKE MY DOG — amen. Still stands true

As someone who suffered from a narcissistic mother, I could relate a lot to what you said. Now we rarely keep in touch. The quote from the movie called August Osage county gave me a great courage to leave her physical and mentally. “I can’t perpetuate these myths of family or sisterhood anymore. We’re just people, some of us accidentally connected by genetics, a random selection of cells.”

Over time I've learned to walk away & stay away forever, from aresholes/difficult people. They never brought anything positive to my life...& I learned they never will. Best to throw away forever & only share your time on those you feel aligned with.

Most problems are blessing in disguise, it make us stronger and confident but first it must tear us down it could mentally, spiritually or physically but it would make us stoic it sucks because of the pain but it could be seen as beautiful once we master what use to tear us down. No pain= no growth Pain+faith+resilience= growth Trust the process❤