BENIGN Narcissists: Everything you need to know (Part 1/2)

My mom was a covert narc and my dad was a benign narc. No one ever believed me when I cried out for help. Everyone thought they were such nice people

I was raised by a narcissistic father and I definitely struggle with people pleasing and putting my needs behind everyone else's.

N O C O N T A C T ‼ Do not reach out to them...EVER ‼ Everything they say and do is calculated in order to get something from you. Remember how you felt in the end. Remember how you feel today. Does that shit feel good to you? Why would you consider trying it again? Stay away and get back to being the beautiful person you are............ New & Improved

"Stuck in an eternal adolescence "... Yep.

This is an eye opener. I just realised a friend I had been hanging out with could be one of these. She’s loud, full of fun, has a wide circle of friends whom she introduced me to... it was exhilarating spending time with her. She knew every piece of gossip about everyone and enjoyed sharing those gossips around. The red flag was spotted when she told me a tragic news about her close friend as if it was a joke. Anyone else would’ve been devastated hearing it but she conveyed it as if it’s a storyline of a movie. No empathy whatsoever. And I realised at that point that she was an insensitive, superficial friend who’s only interested in being the bearer of information to secure the attention of others.

This makes a lot of sense. Anyone else tired of people blaming you for getting involved with a narcissist?

Honestly Dr. Ramani, I think I'd listen to you talk about anything. You could do daily vlogs about nothing and I'd still watch 'em. You've got a for real charm and charisma about you. I dunno, just thinking out loud.

(17 year old son) currently quarantined with my narcissistic mother who called me a narcissist and tells me her ex is one lol (she is 40). She is crazy and I have no respect for her. I was the invisible child growing up, I’m a empty kid and I don’t even know what its like to have feelings. I plan to get out of here before I turn 18 and then seek therapy because I believe it is not mentally healthy for a child who went through this his whole life. I can then proceed to enter the world of being independent instead of codependent. I live by the word *humble*. I know theres more in life, I know it gets better, and I know it’s going to come 🙏. Its only a matter of time 🥺.

Who else loves this series!? I watch it every morning, first thing, while restarting my no-contact helps me to realize that I’m not the bad one. Edit: Thank You Dr. Ramani! That made my day! ❤️

I would argue that benign narcs are toxic. Being around them feels like having a low grade fever.

I've never heard of benign narcissism. I was with a covert off and on for 5 years, and recently finally broke free. I don't want any parts of any kind of narcissist ever again.

I am figuring out if we would forget who people are to us (titles like oh, but that's my mom, child, brother, spouse etc) if we reflect on how they make us feel we will discover how much people in are life are abusing us. It doesn't matter if it's a toxic parent or adult child we need to recognize it. I never knew till recently just how much abuse & put downs I was experiencing from others. When I was little I was labeled as bad. So we dismiss toxic behavior from others thinking we are the problem.

I used to become "frozen" in 'agreeableness' ...the old "go along to get along ".... Theres definitely something to your theory!

I'm familiar with this: eternal childishness, superficiality, adolescence, egotism. The lady has a job but won't pay taxes on time. Spends hours on the phone gossiping about irrelevancies. She drenches herself in perfume to go to work. Buys tight-fitting, flashy clothes and wears them once then gives them away. Very touchy-feely with so-called friends/colleagues. Makes eyes at every "attractive" male or female she encounters. Cheats. Wants to travel a lot and have fun on high-interest credit cards and stay in luxury hotels. And she's a senior citizen!

“But realise this, that in the last days difficult times will come. For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, holding to form of godliness, although, they have denied its power: AVOID SUCH MEN AS THESE."

AKA The "nice" narcissist. Man, those take a lot of time and are HARD to pinpoint! I have a friend who is like that. And YES, they are all into having fun big time! Their life revolves around that (and making money and/or a name for themselves). With my personality type, they have no choice but to get a little deep because I oblige it, but it does take them out of their default mode and it does little to nothing in forming a bond with them. Deepness is not a priority to them. Neither is intimacy and they are very self absorbed and fearful when confronted with truth or reality -like with what's going on with covid-19.

Dr. Ramani I admire your eloquent way of explaining yourself. You have an ability to explain “academic” stuff to common people and you also bring in your own theories and opinions. I’ve been following these series and you have helped me and so many others in the healing process. I’m not sure I would have been able to receive all this information and help from therapy mostly since this topic isn’t so familiar. I thank you sincerely. 🙏

They all like to gossip like a high school student. Petty and childish. Their goal is up put people down.

Wow. You just described my ex and his family. Everything for show. I always referred to them as surface people. Don’t try to get close, don’t try to dig deep. If you do, you’ll see there’s nothing under the mask. They know it and they will keep you at arms length to protect it.

oh, god! I always thought my friend was a narcissist, but he kept acting all immature, so I thought he was just childish. He's actually a narcissist! I'm leaving!