The best way to apologize (according to science)
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Published 2022-12-15
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Over the years, people have come up with some truly awful apologies. From classic non-apologies, to evasive excuses, and flimsy corporate promises, it’s all too easy to give a bad apology. Good apologies generally share certain elements, and considering these factors can help you make amends in a variety of situations. Explore what to do— and not to do— in order to deliver an authentic apology.
Directed by Vitalii Nebelskyi, and action agency.
This video made possible in collaboration with Character Lab
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A special thanks to Karina Schumann who provided information and insights for the development of this video.
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All Comments (21)
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A sincere apology is the super glue of life. It can repair just about anything. - Lynn Johnston
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A summary, cuz someone might need it: 1. To sincerely apologize, focus on trying to understand their perspectives first instead of making empty promises 2. After you understand, show empathy to that person! Especially if they're hurt terribly 3. Don't just promise but take actions to offer a heartfelt compensation
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This is so nice of Ted - Ed To make a video about apologies. A lot of negative events is happening in our life and people don't properly and sincerely apologize to one another. It's such a fruitful advice paired with amazing research and amazing insight!
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The feeling when you're the one apologizing despite being the one hurt.
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The Marie case was preventable had he just told her his intention beforehand. If she's not heartless, she will, at worst be slightly hurt (but at least she won't have false hope of him being late, or worse, think he had an accident, making her stressed and worried, in turn making her play worse) or at best, encourage him to go, cause she also knows it's his favorite band. Just don't let people be in the dark
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Bro how did I actually get emotionally invested enough into the blue shirt guy and Marie's relationship that I actually felt happy in the end when he showed up to her game.
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i think the biggest thing that gets in the way of apologising is pride. "i feel hurt too, why should i be the one to say sorry? why can't they apologise? my actions weren't wrong!" things like that can really hinder an apology. but honestly, i've learnt to squash that pride for just a second, to properly apologise. i only apologise when i step out of line though- if someone behaves badly then i will not be apologising for treating them the same way.
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Apologies are especially difficult when you've been gaslit (gaslighted?) all your life. So any time you made a genuine mistake it has been blown out of proportions and turned against you in such a cruel disturbing way you never even want to apologise ever again in fear of the other person turning this moment of vulnerablity against you.
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"Intent does not matter; only consequences" -Kratos of Sparta, a calm and reasonable person.
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Recent data suggests incorporating a ukulele act in your apology may generate increased sympathy.
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"There is a certain degree of satisfaction in having the courage to admit one’s errors. It not only clears the air of guilt and defensiveness, but often helps solve the problem created by the error." -Dale Carnegie
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i was taught almost 70 yrs ago, a 𝗴𝗲𝗻𝘂𝗶𝗻𝗲 𝗮𝗽𝗼𝗹𝗼𝗴𝘆 6 processes: 0) 𝗙𝗶𝗻𝗱 𝗼𝘂𝘁 what hurt them! 💔 1) say 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 behavior was wrong. 😮💨 2) say 𝘄𝗵𝘆 it was wrong. 😒 3) say what they should expect --this day forward. 🙂 4) 𝗮𝘀𝗸 if this is acceptable. 🤔 5) start acting right. 😇 ... I hope it's clear --securing forgiveness is not any part of the goal. 😻😻😻
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"Never ruin an apology with an excuse" - Benjamin Franklin. Much needed common sense advice!
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“It wasn’t my intention” is the one I hear most often. At this point, they are not arguing innocence, but have signed a confession and are asking for a plea deal.
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I am amazed by the way they breakdown Apology for accidental mistakes, non-accidental mistakes. The centerpiece of Apology and the offer of repair. So much to learn. Thank you for making this video and showing us the way to a sincere apology.
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Apologies can make or break a friendship. It’s kind of unbelievable. My college roommate did me wrong one time and refused to apologize, even when I asked him too. His character was inexcusable, and we couldn’t ever repair our friendship since then.
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Most forget the last step, "Now what can I do to right the wrong?"
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I am really bad at apologizing, but this REALLY helped me to make the right apology. Can’t wait to see what you Bo next!!!
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If you want to be forgiven, you need to go through the Four Steps to Forgiveness: 1) Apologize sincerely 2) Admit wrongdoing 3) Make amends 4) Never ever do it again
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0:03 "The ability of a person to atone has always been the most remarkable of human features." -Leon Uris I have always loved ted-ed epigraphs.
