The Real Reason Recovering From Divorce is So Hard For Men

It was soooo hard for me because i waited my whole life for a wife to live life with and I gave her everything I could and would and almost did die for her but she acts like we never existed. I meant my vows, she obviously didn’t. Idc about the money of things. I can get those all back. But…. The emotional damages. Totally different story.

In the first few months she left, I felt devastated but still very functional and then slowly panicked, then this last month (4 in now) I’ve hit this huge un motivated depressed state, unable to do the basic things for myself that I used to do with ease, cooking, cleaning etc It’s been so helpful to see this polyvagal chart, and know this a process and I’m not insane. My therapist tells me I haven’t hit anger yet because of being too magnanimous and ashamed of being so angry at a woman, so I’m really trying to get to an anger state now, so I can snap out of the freezing pity party and get on with my life. As always Rachael, amazing stuff and putting into words what I feel but can’t articulate or understand fully ❤

Your description state makes so much sense. Because it happened to me six months after being served divorce papers, I did know how to correlate it. I didn't know what triggered it. I thought I was having a midlife crisis, what ever that means. I felt primarily numb with elements of some negative emotions. It helped to have a friend to be company. They didn't have to do anything but be there. It was the worst time of my adult life. Later I was able to ground myself by thinking about times when I had been on heightened alert for days and had experienced the sound of bullets gong whistling past my head. It seemed like the times when I needed someone to talk to the most was in the middle of the night. I never found anyone to talk to at that time of day. I didn't feel suicidal, just desparate.

This woman can help you. She’s truly an Angel for us. I went from straight despair to peaceful. I didn’t get the anger and glad I didn’t. That’s not a door I need to open and my “ coach” agrees. Being peaceful means I could be violent but chose not to. Thank you Rachael.

I see a lot of Rachel's content mentioning why women move on so fast and I have a question for Rachel and or the group. When it's been over a year and your ex is still making social media posts with the intent of further degrading your character and/or self esteem, does that seem like someone who has happily moved on?

THANK You so very much for this upload, I have learned a lot in understanding the mechanics of anger and grief. Rachael, Your support and understanding of mens health issues in divorce, separation and the biases they encounter is very much appreciated.

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The reason some men never recover from divorce is women. The smart ones figure out that the nature of women won't change. A large percentage of women are always thinking what they had was better or what they can get next is better. If you are in a serious relationship with a woman, you are at risk of emotional and financial ruin. The financial loss can always be recovered. The emotional loss not always. Once you don't trust women anymore that is the end of it. That won't fix.