Private Schools Are Trauma Factories | Ash Sarkar meets Richard Beard | Downstream

This was a really interesting chat to listen to. I was sent to boarding school out of situation (something I won’t get into now) Prior to that, I was at a state school in South London, but of a broken home. On my first day, or more specifically, night, I was marched into a room with 5, 18 year old boys (adults, by law, imagine that). I had camping spotlights shining in my face and was ordered to take my trousers and pants off; I was 13 years old and prepubescent. I didn’t know what to do, I had just lost my Mum and Dad and I’d never felt so alone. I remember trying to hide being scared with my demeanour, and then felt a tear drop from one of my eyes, blinded by the aforementioned lights. As soon as that happened a brick was thrown at me, it hit me on my left shoulder, knocked me back and I started to bleed; it cut me open. With that all said, my background as a child had made me into a rough little kid – I ran towards the lights and the first boy (adult) I could gain focus on, I punched on the chin, knocking him out cold, all the other boys (adults) moved, concerned, to their mate, shouting at me to get out. Believe me I did - I ran. At this stage I didn’t even know the layout of the building; it was terrifying. Having thought I may have warned these people off, I soon realised I had thought wrong. Over the next six months, I was subjected to the most extreme physical and mental abuse, which, to this day, I still find hard to discuss. This was conducted by gangs of men 5 years my senior, which at that stage in life is a considerable age gap. I just wanted to post this here.   Thank you, all, it’s therapy for me.

I am from the United States, and I was sent to a military school, and I strongly believe it was because my father did not want to do his job. The trauma I went through still haunts me to this day. I am not a father, but if I was, one thing I promised to myself was I would never send my child to a military school.

This is the basic principle of the system in Finland which has no private schools, it’s much harder to crap on those that you have grown up with, go to school with and have experienced their life to some extent.

I sat entrance exams for a few boarding schools but wasn't definitely going to go to one, I liked the idea of boarding because my mother was abusive, angry about divorce and taking out on me (more so than on my younger sister). To our surprise I was invited back to sit a scholarship exam at one school, even greater surprise- I won a major academic scholarship, the school would fund 50% of the fees. Subject to means test, I was funded to a small degree by our local authority. The financial burden of private boarding school was massively reduced. Off I went with my trunk and my 11 year old self. I loved it, no hot & cold mood swings from my mother. Surrounded by friends 24/7. I used to try to spend exeats with friends' families whenever possible and bring a friend with me anytime I had to spend a weekend at home (so that my mother would be less likely to behave badly). Unfortunately my underlying self doubt & insecurities prevented me from fully engaging with my education, I ended up hanging around with the naughty boys who weren't in my set for any classes. Caught smoking several times, even caught sneaking off to Brighton to get drunk one Sunday (vodka flavoured vomit all over the dorm toilets). I can't really fault the school, they were unaware of my home life and emotional trauma. I did minimal homework, minimal effort in general (scared of success perhaps?) But I managed to achieve high grades at CE and end of year exams every year so my scholarship was preserved despite threats of revocation each year. My best friend (another boy from London) was kicked out for drinking (several times & several warnings) and I eventually left the school and completed my GCSEs in London. My best mate died from a drug overdose a few years ago aged 36 and I've drifted through life without any clear direction & poor executive function. 20 years of heroin addiction (smoked, never intravenous). I often feel that the scholarship I was awarded must have been an administrative error because I couldn't have been worthy. Now in my 40s and clean from hard drugs and cigarettes but drink occasionally and use cannabis most evenings for sleep. I'm dyslexic and diagnosed with ADHD so it was fairly miraculous that my maths, sciences and debating abilities afforded me such a great opportunity. I just wasn't confident enough to chase & embrace success. In the end I got good GCSE grades but dropped out of A level and didn't go to Uni despite being successful in exams and in the OxBridge club (extension of the debating society). Being ridiculed and called stupid (by my single mother) throughout my early years caused permanent damage that I only understood far too late. I became a father recently at 40 years old and I am extremely careful about how I talk to my son, without self esteem we are unable to function properly. If he wanted to go to boarding school and I'm in a position to fund it then I would definitely allow him to go (but not younger than 11+). Many kids at boarding schools have a significant minority of pupils with difficult home lives, class and wealth don't negate abusive or neglectful parenting. If I could turn back the clock I would work hard and choose different friends. Coulda, woulda, shoulda... My experience is not typical, we're all different and boarding school isn't for everyone. Edit: my sister went to one of the 9 Public Schools a few years later (more prestigious than my Woodard Group boarding school) she is still friends with many of her schoolmates, some very wealthy, some titled)... She didn't go down the drug abuse rabbit hole, like I did, she went to the most prestigious Uni in Ireland later but never achieved happiness or great career success. Unmarried and childless at 37 despite proposals from very eligible and kind young men during her 20s, it seemed as though she was always expecting something better so could not commit but maybe she was unable to truly love due to the environment at home during formative years? Again I don't think that boarding was the source of her issues, but rather a plaster on a wound that really just needed love & therapy. Apologies for the long essay, I don't know why I'm sharing all this with the internet. It feels like an AA share. Thanks for reading.

My widowed mother was educated lower middle class, left-wing but aspirational. I was on the assisted places scheme. Systemically bullied as I shouted my progressive ideals by teachers and peers alike. Day boy (definite split between day boys and boarders). 30 years later, still recovering. An awful, damaging experience.

Such an essential topic that is hardly discussed in the public square. Well done.

Brilliant interview, Ash. Really eye-opening about how it was essentially conditioning children. Hearing him compare school to the army and prison was terrible to hear. Glad I never experienced this, and I definitely want this to stop happening to children nowadays.

I went to boarding school for 10yrs and it's taken me 20yrs to get over it. Crazy to think that my parents had to pay for it let alone how much it was. It ruined my relationship with them for a long time though that is better now and I didnt even get good grades - my friends who went to state schools did better. The school itself was amazing but who cares when theres no nurture no guidance no protection no love no care. It's like building a mansion in a swamp - doesn't matter how ornate the building is if the foundations are rotten

I was born to colonial administrators and sent to boarding school aged eight, then to a "second division" "major" Public School and then Oxford where I was a contemporary of Johnson, Gove, Rees-Mogg and others. At the public school we were "allowed" (at our parents' expense) to "take" a newspaper. I took the Daily Mirror and the Morning Star - for which I am eternally grateful. I then briefly joined the army, worked in the city before qualifying as a barrister where I worked in private practice. I then joined the Civil Service, by accident, and it took me a good 15 years to shake off the private sector, public school sense of entitlement. I got involved in the union, out of self-preservation, became a lay Rep and then Safety Rep, was elected to the union's National Executive Committee and my world changed - I saw the world as it is - for everybody. The public school system holds us back. As does memory of the British Empire and the existence of the Royal Family and the Monarchy - all seen as the natural order in the public school system. It has taken me a lifetime to learn this, as I was brought up in an environment which denied the existence of the reality of life as experience by the bulk of the people. The people with whom I was educated now run the country or feel they are entitled to run it and only their opinions count. And don't talk to me about the dysfunctional family relationships it breeds. In fairness, my parents wanted me to have a good education - which I had. But this would not have happened/been necessary if we had had an adequate education system put in place by people who had personal experience of it..

As a mum of two boys, I can't imagine sending them away at such a young age. I'm glad it's not even an option in my country.

I was in boarding shool for four years. It was hell. It ruined my childhood and early adulthood. Boarding school in a playground for bullies.

What is not discussed by people that have been to boarding school, is not the sexual abuse by staff, but by other boys. It’s rife.

As a child aged 9 I went to a "lesser" co-ed boarding school in 1966. Meeting up with other ex-boarders a few years ago I found that though they were well versed in Nietzsche's "what doesn't kill me makes me stronger" they had, like many, failed to read the first part of the quote - "Out of life's school of war". Some of us had been financially successful yet that hardly compensated for living a life terrified of intimacy (in all of its forms) whilst being completely unaware of it.

Great idea guys. This needs to be talked about as it is one of the great mechanisms this country uses to funnel privilege to those at the top.

Ritualised humiliation is critical in raising a class of politicians who can lie unashamedly to the public. They don't feel shame from dishonesty.

All the public schoolers I met at Sussex university were psychological disturbed no life skills cooking cleaning and bizarre behaviour 😮 I myself had just 2 weeks of being away from home at 3 due to circumstances and it definitely affected my life so god knows how injured these people were- it’s a form of dehumanising kids so they get to make icy cold detached decisions about other peoples lives😢

The class structure in this country is such a subtle form of manipulation. It is also why this country has fallen so far behind its European neighbors.

My mum went to a boarding school from the age of 4. Now I’m a mum, I can see just how it affected her. Definitely repressed something inside of her.

No matter what, whatever vicious pushback from establishment figures, Labour has to change the charitable status of private schools. Brilliant interview, really enjoyed getting a further view into this toxic area of British society.

It is unforgivable child traumatization. Children should not be separated from their mothers at that age. It scars them for life. No wonder our government is full of heartless people. They have been emotionally damaged.