Why It Sucked to Be a Pirate

"But here's a few honorable mentions" eyes immediately drop to D i c k R o t

You forgot about the fact that a pirate would carry around 5 or more pistols because the second they got wet they wouldn't fire so they would just keep drawing pistols until one fired

Being fair to old Jack Sparrow, all his flips and rope swings are exclusively to run away from the pirates who are hacking the side characters to bits and pieces.

fun fact: pirates didnt just drink budweiser by the gallon because they loved getting drunk but because the way beer was fermented at the time the consistency was closer to a very watery bread dough that had some alcohol in it so it was actually very filling as well as stimulating which is why depictions of beer at the time was very foamy. they really drank it cus it was just sterile and almost food, getting drunk was just a plus

Reasons not to be a pirate: 1: Death.

Can't spell disease without sea

My favorite pirate was Black Bart Roberts. He was literally captured by pirates ☠, was forced to join the crew because he was a navigator, then when the captain died he was voted in as captain. Then he said, oh fck it, a short and merry life we will have. Then went on to have a suicidal charge across the sea, and is BY FAR the most successful pirate in the Atlantic. He captured over 400 vessels, to put that into comparison, black beard captured 30. And he died straddling a cannon while the rest of his crew were drunk and afraid. Man was a fckn MAD LAD!

Fun fact: Navy Soldiers actually got scurvy significantly more often then Pirates because the rum drinks they made often contained limes or other citrus

I thought pirates ate chicken, fish and apples. Cus that’s always what pirate Lego sets included.

Noticed that "sucked" is past tense and being a pirate today is actually amazing don't listen to him

After a certain point, many pirates had a TON of formal training, because they were largely comprised of deserters from various professional navies.

He's not entirely right about the salt pork or beef. They would almost always soak or boil the meat to extract most of the salt out of it and soften it up a bit before cooking with it. Same with the hardtack, they rarely ate it straight as rock-hard bread, they'd typically cook it into a stew or at least dip it in water or grog.

sir that's my emotional support weevil

Schrodinger's Hardtack: if you eat it in the dark, the hardtack is simultaneously infested and not infested with weevils.

In pirate combat the cannon balls would hit the ship mostly and create a huge wave of splinters. Being hit by the splinters would cause many of the pirates to lose body parts or they would even die. This is what formed the stereotypical image of eyepatches, hooks and peg legs for pirates.

Bros just lying so he can become king of the pirates

I like how little Jimmy's voice is deeper than Sammy's

Being a pirate, is basically being a homeless but in the sea

Wealth, fame, power. The world had it all won by one man: the Pirate King, Gold Roger. At his death, the words he spoke drove countless men out to sea.

that's not gonna stop me from becoming thE KING OF THE PIRATES