Pronouns: why we should not play along.
348,765
Published 2023-05-09
Pronouns
NO - give your own
Maybe - abide by others' requests
1st person - I, me, us, we
2nd person - you, y'all, yours
3rd person - he, she, them, it
3rd person pronouns are how people talk about one person to others. Reputation building. When someone asks us to use sex-mismatched pronouns we are not asked to lie TO them, but ABOUT them and FOR them. If we all have to give our pronouns the lie is softened because we enter a game in which we all pretend we forgot the actual meaning of these labels, therefore those who want to switch pronouns don’t stand out.
Harmless neo-etiquette? NO
1. Undermines self confidence and resilience by asserting that one’s self concept is dependent on external validation. Anti- resilience/pro-fragility. Upholds illusion that “misgendering” or otherwise failing to confirm someone’s illusions is abusive and violent.
That the feeling of not having one’s inner self-concept affirmed should hurt so badly is truly unfortunate - ask deeper questions. If some individuals are unhappy enough with their secondary sexual characteristics that they engage in a radical form of self-rejection through a spectrum of cosmetic and medical interventions, AND require consistent affirmation… is pretending not to see the world as it is helping them to become healthier and happier or is it merely an act of codependency which enables dysfunction and fosters fragility?
2 Endorses and encourages narcissistic behavior
Interpersonally exploitative behavior (I am using you as a mirror to reflect the image of myself I wish to see)
Entitlement (you owe it to me to affirm what I say),
Lack of empathy (I don’t care what you really think/feel),
Arrogance (I demand that you bend to my will or I will say you are harming me)
3 Gender Confusion for Kids
Encouraging kids who are uncomfortable with their developing bodies and identities to see their bodies as malleable and to reject their physicality, normalizing a medicalization of puberty.
How to decline when asked?
Say what you think- confrontational
Politeness works:
You can simply decline - I decline to offer pronouns
I have no special requests
Please use what you feel is appropriate
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All Comments (21)
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May I ask what you would do if you said "I have no special requests" and someone misgendered you ?
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My brother and I just lost both of our jobs at the same time because we would not give in to the pressure of putting our pronouns in our bios. We stood our ground for truth.
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When asked for my pronouns I say “ I have no special requests “and if they push I tell them I have no desire to dictate your speech. Use whatever pronouns you want for me and if they aren’t correct I promise I will not crumble
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You know, I think "I have no special requests" is honestly the PERFECT way to handle it. Thank you very much for the advice! 🙏
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I love it when people use their pronouns in their bios. It helps me weed out people I don't want on my team during the hiring process.
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Pronouns are the gateway drug to a larger ideology. Our kindness and politeness is weaponized against us.
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The pronoun thing is the thin wedge of speech control under the disguise of "politeness." And politeness is a choice, not socially enforced. It's a huge, narcissistic burden to place upon other people, and I will never do it for anyone.
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"There is no swifter route to the corruption of thought than through the corruption.of language." (George Orwell) Cults use your vocabulary but they don't use your dictionary.
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"I support anyone's right to be who they want to be. My question is: to what extent do I have to participate in your self-image?" ~ Dave Chappelle
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I recently lost my job of nearly 35years for refusing to go along with this, for the very reasons you so articulately expressed. It is compelled speech and it's always wrong! Thank you.
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I was asked to share my pronouns at a "training" and I declined. I was ostracized and alienated and targeted at work afterwards, but I do not care. It was disturbing and felt like high school all over again with people trying to force some element of conformity onto me. That was my attitude 7 years ago and it is my attitude now.
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I always state that my pronouns are "your royal majesty" and request their use. And usually, no one ever asks me again.
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When my professor asked for pronouns for the class, most the class didn’t give them. One girl gave her first name and said “shehim” and the professor asked for her last name… HER LAST NAME WAS SHEHIM! I ALMOST DIED LAUGHING! THAT POOR GIRL!
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On a medical form it asked me 4 different ways what my gender & "sex" was. I wrote "vagina" where it asked "sex". This form was so ridiculous I decided to write in big letters over the entire section: "If my body was exhumed and a DNA analysis was done, it would be indisputable that I was a woman. I was born with a female reproductive system and therefore I am female. As indicated, I am a "Mrs" who has birthed 2 children. If you have further questions on this topic, let me know so I can find another doctor".
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I am nearly 60 and financially independent, and therefore see it as my moral duty to be openly and explicitly contemptuous towards anyone asking my pronouns.
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I am 61 and I am genuinely insecure about the pronouns. Last year was the first time I was personally confronting with the problem. I am happy you did this video. You said what I also think, although I wasn’t able to put it in words. Another point: I can imagine people inventing new categories of gender, demanding new pronouns for these categories, complicating the situation even more.
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If they control your language, they can control you. You put this so much more thoughtfully than I could.
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What I do is first say, “Are you sure it’s OK. I mean, I don’t want to impose.” Given encouragement, I say, “Thank you for the freedom to finally express my inner self. My pronoun is “His Sublime Majesty.”
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I’m a gen x’r and the whole pronoun thing has felt wrong in many ways, but haven’t had it explained so succinctly, until now. Well done.
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“The basic tool for the manipulation of reality is the manipulation of words. If you can control the meaning of words, you can control the people who must use the words” — Philip K. Dick.
