Alternative self help is brainwashing you.

Hope you enjoyed the video ! Just would like to reiterate that your mental health is a priority and I encourage you to find that balance between taking care of yourself (with the help of alternative self-help, journaling, therapy, relaxation activities) and taking part in different forms of social activism online or irl. Focusing too much solely on one or the other can really be detrimental...

I have been thinking about this a lot lately. As an autistic and disabled person who's struggled most of their life with mental health issues, I've spent the past 4 years doing serious self-reflection, going to therapy and applying its techniques, reading self-health books, exercising, etc. I am at a far, far better place than I ever was, and although 2020 was difficult, I had the tools to keep myself afloat mentally and emotionally. But... I am still autistic and disabled in a world that doesn't have room for me. My mental health is generally good, but I still can't work a normal job. I'm not depressed anymore, but I still feel like a leech on my family. I am now having to unlearn that all my problems are self-made because the fact is, they simply aren't. I am glad I put in all that work to better mental health, but I still live in a society that doesn't care about me, and that's hard to cope with and has lead to a lot of internalized ableism. I wish these self help channels acknowledged this more.

I wonder if the amount of negative global events in the last year has left people to feel helpless and unable to make a difference and so the 'turn inwards and work on yourself/stuff you can control" messaging has gained a following. Neither extreme, outer or inner focus, appears perfect. Without moderation, solely focusing on the bigger picture might leave you paralyzed, angered and defeated. And it could leave you blind to certain inner issues that may be a detriment to your pursuit of making a difference. Inversely, only focusing inwards could reflect the privilege of being able to turn away from the issues that impact others. This could possibly further these systemic problems and also leave you quite self-obsessed. Tricky stuff...

I saw the thumbnail and title and got an instant wave of anxiety 😅. I thought this was going to be a takedown video! Really appreciate your thoughtful approach to diving into this topic (and I'm glad that you think I'm funny... my wife disagrees). Interesting take at the end and not where I thought this video was going. I've never been one to be politically active. In my personal relationships, when I get more involved with politics, I've only seen it drive my relationships further apart. It's definitely easier for me to talk about consumerism and other areas where we can push back against societal pressures (and it doesn't seem to be as confronting for people... especially family lol). Anyway, really great work with the video! Keep up the good work :)

"A life that isn't defined by money but by experiences" more often than not those experiences require money Love the video :)

this kind of self help vlogger lifestyle is the epitome of the blindness of those with deep socioeconomic privilege. Moralizing a slow, easy lifestyle with minimal work hours while the majority of the population is forced to work one or two jobs simply to be able to pay rent and eat food. In the middle of a pandemic, no less, where a great number of people have lost their jobs and have been forced out on the street ! Maybe the problem is not a lack of " mindfulness' but a lack of social responsibility and justice.

The amount of times these people say they changed their lives... Dang

I think self-help can become toxic when you're like "okay if I meditate, journal and do yoga I'll be ok"; I grew up watching youtubers saying that if you just do all those thing you'll be growing into your best self, but most of the time true self-help is doing the hard and scary stuff

I majored in sociology, and our social structute professor used to say "why don't people go to a sociologist instead of a psychologist?" Arguing that for many, it would be much more helpful given the source of many of our problems, as personal as they seem, is actually social. I think following that line of thought, looking for an individual answer through psychology to the problems caused by social issues is, therefore, not a solution but simply a coping mechanism (though I still believe it's a very necessary one)

You totally got me when you said "Work-on-yourself-to-cope-with-the-system-without-Questioning-the-injustices-of-that-very-system type of mindset" YAAAAASSSS

I also feel like the self help channels are kinda formulaic and repetitive...I really only play them for the background noise at this point and sometimes the visual editing is nice

“What is being angry is self help?” Yes!! Anger is the rational and healthy response to injustice. And ppl who can ignore it can do so because they aren’t impacted by it.

“Anger points powerfully to the denial of rights, but the exercise of rights can’t live and thrive on anger. It lives and thrives on the dogged pursuit of justice . . .Anger continued on past its usefulness becomes unjust, then dangerous. Nursed for its own sake, valued as an end in itself, it loses its goal. It fuels not positive activism but regression, obsession, vengeance, self-righteousness. Corrosive, it feeds off itself, destroying its host in the process” - “About Anger” by Ursula K. Le Guin

I believe it should be a bit of both, not too obsessed with external problems neither internal ones. I’ve noticed that using less time and energy to confront problems actually often makes them easier to solve. Sounds contradictory but that’s my personal experience.

I love that you mentioned political engagement in the context of self help! I love self-improvement content but so often I feel like there is to much focus on how the individual can solve all their own problems, while usually completely ignoring the influences of society and community.

With respect, I found the news itself along with the social pressure to constantly participate in activism and social justice, turned me into an anxious, irritable, and frankly depressed excuse for a human being. I could barely help myself let alone others, and my relationship with myself and my loved ones suffered. With a constant awareness of every crisis occurring in the world, my heart and mind always felt heavy with guilt when it was not filled with fury and hate at those who were either “silent” or didn’t want to engage. I couldn’t concentrate on “self care” activities either because in my mind was swirling all the negativity I’d been exposed to on a massive scale. I think it’s healthy to disengage from sm platforms and yes, from politics, when it crosses that boundary. And perhaps some YouTubers overdo it - I definitely think we can focus too much on ourselves when the solution is often external. For one, I would love to get involved in local causes and charities more. However, even when I was politically involved and on social media, I wasn’t doing that - it was armchair activism at best. Sometimes people are struggling with enough, they don’t need to feel the weight of a world that will always have suffering, nor do they want to feel shamed for choosing not to engage, or lectured to if they engage incorrectly. I’m not advocating at all for total ignorance, I do believe it’s good to stay informed, to be compassionate, and to help out whenever possible. Just wanted to share my personal thoughts. I recognize that I’m privileged for choosing not to engage in matters that don’t affect me on an immediate or personal level, but that doesn’t mean I do not care about the issues, or that I wouldn’t advocate for those in need of make my voice heard through voting or protest.

I still remember seeing a post from the School of Life about where depression comes from, and the theory was essentially that it happens because you can't see possibilities anymore. Eg you might want to become an artist or see the world, but you don't see how you can possibly do so, so you become depressed. The conclusion was that to fix the depression, you have to just stop being so narrow minded and just go become that artist or see the world! There was a ton of negative comments on the post stating the obvious such as - what about depression due to brain chemistry or circumstances you can't control, what if you have responsibilities you can't just drop, what if you're broke or sick, and of course, where are the sources for anything you just said? Instead of posting an apology or a thought out response or engaging with the community, or even being willing to take the chance to change his mind, he just deleted it. And that was the day I realised Alain de Botton was drunk on his own success and completely out of touch with reality.

"Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference." I think adopting a calm mindset can be beneficial for trying to accept the things that are out of our control, but as you said there is a fine line between that and accepting the status quo without critical thinking. Now finding the middle ground between these two is the real challenge.

I was hooked on these channels a few years back. I really believed them that doing all those steps will make me feel better and find my path. I lost weight, got into shape, changed my career, became more sociable, started therapy, jump into the dating scene... and I still felt miserable. Because honest hustle only gets you so far in a corrupt Eastern European country. Where even after I got a better-paying job and put a lot of effort into self-improvement, I still had no money to save and no chance for shorter working hours, or time to actually learning the skills I need to 'fulfill my dreams. Then covid came and blew everything away. You cannot just ignore the system unless you were so lucky to be in a position where it really benefited you. Still, I'm grateful for them because at that time of my life I was stuck and they actually helped me to move somewhere. But now, it all sounds so hollow.

I love Matt, sometimes watch Lana and can’t stand Drew (probably because of his overthinking). I think that these self-help channels aren’t blind to social problems. They’re not saying that emotional people are not intelligent. They’re saying that being a little bit better can help you act better in the world. For example, Matt telling me that I should sleep helps me be less impatient with my friends. Very practical, all about self-accountability, which I like & seek.