The Problem with Nice People

Thank you for watching! I hope you enjoyed. Consider checking out my new book here: www.amazon.com/dp/B0CHLC1XJ2

The thing that made this more infuriating is that most nice people are actually self-aware about their overly nice tendency, but they couldn't/don't know how to stop it anyway

For me the scariest part about this is that since you’re trying to be nice and lying to others about what you really think and feel, sometimes you start to lie to yourself and you end up upset without being able to know why right away

So true! His behavior really wasn’t “nice.” He was just being agreeable for fear that people wouldn’t like or accept him. “Nice” is an act of generosity, kindness, giving from the heart, with no expectation of anything in return, and yes, it requires complete honesty and authenticity.

“No More Mr. Nice Guy” by Dr. Robert Glover changed my life. It’s not about becoming a mean person, but becoming an HONEST person and stopping the disingenuousness and speaking up for yourself. Please read the book, it did so much for me and I want to pay it forward.

In my experience, the people who act like Fred are the ones who grew up in abusive households where they had to learn to be quiet and put everyone else before themselves in order to survive. Fred isn't trying to be nice out of some sense of moral obligation, or even because confrontation is a hassle, he does it because of a knee-jerk reaction built on fear. I feel sorry for Fred, because this was something that was done to him. It's his responsibility as an adult to try to resolve it, but it wasn't his fault he was this way.

There's a difference between being nice and being agreeable. The guy in this story is just agreeing to everything without regards to his own thoughts, and then getting upset about it later on. You can still be nice and disagree with other people.

I love Fred's last response "Maybe we should take things slower" , this reflects that he, actually for the first time in his life realized where he was wrong and that Amina had truly helped him to reflect on his methods. The fact that he would have surely agreed when she asked him to meet on the weekend , but he chose not to decline right away still giving her a sign of his disapproval shows that he is finally trying to learn to say 'no' and he has not yet reached it but still in the process. This was a great and easy example yet powerful as the message is clear and applicable for ppl throughout their lives.

This is actually insane. im starting to believe that God has sent this video to me. Im speechless. My name is actually Fred and this video describes me 100%. Everything that was said, from A to Z, represents me. I tend to put others before myself, and im starting to feel like im slowly and gradually losing myself. Its not that im mean, but I always avoid having conflicts of interests with ppl and Ive never actually known why. It has always been like that for me, and I find myself having different types of friend gropups at school. Thank you for describing my life in a video. You are truly amazing and underrated.

I used to be like this. I grew a backbone. It’s not about being nice. It’s about having the self confidence and self respect to stand your ground and trust yourself when it comes to choices and conflict.

There's a saying in my family: "When you try to be nice to everyone, you're not being nice to anyone". It seems I've been doing life a little bit wrong. Thanks for this.

I'm definitely guilty of being an agreeable "Yes" person, where you just feel uncomfortable with being assertive and voicing your own needs/opinions. The problem becomes 10x worse when you start a career and have to work in difficult situations with difficult people. It's so easy to be a "Yes" person who is always proactive, always answering calls, always trying to work with the schedules of other people, always agreeing to take on more work and more responsibilities, always trying to hit impossible deadlines. But inside the stress of trying to keep everyone happy is crushing. On the outside, your peers notice that you're not reliably delivering on your promises (despite saying that you could). I had to teach myself that some healthy pushback is necessary to prevent my workload from getting out of control. Trying to keep everyone else happy just means that your own life is being controlled by EVERYONE around you, which is why it's a terrible way to live.

This hit too close to home. Being really nice was something I got from my mom, so I thought it was the best virtue and followed suit. I was really nice when I was a kid, but when I got older, I stopped being nice to everyone and learned that some people or situation had to earn my kindness.

"some people are so concerned with not being selfish that they become it" "Agreeing universally with everyone is not necessarily a sign that you care about other people" Damn.

What's extra tricky about this is that when you start telling people how you really feel, they get offended because they expect that you won't be confrontational or say "no". I have been a nice and quiet kid all my life, but suddenly after I started expressing my opinions, I got into arguments with both my family and some of my friends. It's like the "bad kid paradox". You expect the bad kid to always be bad, so you don't really care when he starts throwing chairs in the classroom. But when the nice kid does it everyone is appalled and punishes you gravely. Even though you have been accomodating others people become more angry at you than the person who never does anything nice.

Learning to just say “no” is so important.

This video hit me like a cannonball in the face. I'm 28 years, and I have lived a life quite similar to Fred's. Relationships, friends, work and all.

‘I don’t think niceness is always kind’ words to live by

It's kind of crazy how being a people pleaser can make you feel so much like crap at the end of the day. You never really feel fulfilled because there's always someone else who you gotta put before yourself. Definitely learning to say no to things has helped me with through that. I just had to face the reality that I can't make everyone in the world happy, and saying no to some things improved my own mental at no real cost to anyone.

I finally got to know how to address this feeling. I relate with Fred so much, losing friends when you don't but are frustrated with yourself and with them. It makes you wanting to not make friends in the first place in order to not repeat the same mistake. Learning from this video, I feel like I should be more confrontational about how I feel. Being a 16 yo, being confrontational suddenly makes other feels like I am in my rebellious phase at least that is what my family thinks right now. I didn't know that feelings would be such hard to care for while growing up. Such is life, growing up isn't easy.