The Surprising Reason Why Women Leave Good Men

they want u to be all emotional there , but Criticize you when you share your first vulnerability …. the entire world of relationship is all upside down , truly…. it’s alway the man’s fault and that what the women believe .

Thank you Rachael for this video. As I listened I gained more clarity into my own situation. My wife of 21 years just told me this week that she wants a divorce. Although I am very sad, I understand why. I have suppressed my emotions and intimacy from her for a very long time (maybe the entire marriage). Instead of connecting with her emotionally, I was hyper-focused on being "the provider". I worked/work a lot of hours and we have financial security. I do my part at home with chores and other household things. I believe I am a great dad. These were all the things I was taught by my dad. You know "how to be a man" and "what men do". Upon reflection, I wish I would have be more aware of what she needed from me. It seems so obvious now, but after all this time her heart is closed and I understand that. Of course I feel terrible about it (although again I was just doing what I was taught). Now we move on... we've agreed to a collaborative divorce, sharing custody, and trying to be the best parents we can for our son. Rachael, trust me I will work on making changes to not repeat the mistakes I've made. Thank you again.

My marriage was over because of her emotional disconnection, I got hurt at work, ended up being disabled, she had me spend all my settlement money, allowing me to believe that I was investing in our future, only to have her say that she was too young to be with a disabled guy. And she asked me to leave, I left that day, not one to hang around where I'm not wanted. A year later she calls, sobbing about how she made a mistake. Yeah no kidding, but told her that there was no way I would consider it. She's still made and confused.

I think your main point came in at about minute 15:30. When men focus on a particular issue using logic while a woman uses emotion, the man sometimes asks the wife to put the emotion aside so that they can address the issue logically and not emotionally. If this happens, the woman feels that what she is bringing to the table is being rejected and it is devestating. This is kind of b.s. because couples really do need to be able to shift gears and set emotion aside to solve problems rationally. If this is the reason why women leave men, it is b.s. If a man constantly asks the woman to close up her emotions that of course is a problem, but if a man is shocked at a wife wanting a divorce, there is a really good chance that he loves her and wants her to feel comfortable sharing her emotions, and a committed couple is duty bound to sort these types of communication issues out. It is not acceptable to blow things out of proportion and play the victim, because sometimes as a couple, solving real problems requires that you take your head out of your ass and set emotions aside.

i always thought that too many emotions would drive your lover away. i was wrong. it’s all about emotional connection with women.

Hi Rachael, thanks for this video, I can relate to it on a very deep level. You touch on important topics such as toxic masculinity and some sort of unconscious gaslighting. On the gaslighting, we as men indeed try to fix things because we are the traditional providers, which comes across as rejecting how they feel. What I've learned is that very often its just enough to be there and listen effectively rather than always try and find solutions, to empathise and normalise rather than alienate by saying 'this is how you should feel or look at it'. Ultimately it all boils down to emotional intelligence for the individuals involved and its great that you put this out in the open for understanding and for further exploration. In the months preceding my separation/divorce, my ex wife would tell me she couldn't connect with me, in the way she connected with other ppl. Some couples might work through this, while some opt out, maybe its not the only reason also. Sometimes there are so many reasons that it all becomes very difficult to understand, lol. It's all good, maybe it also simply means there is somebody out there with whom we can connect better. Keep up the great work Rachael, I've been following your videos since last November and they have been so empowering, especially in the darkest of times when it was all so confusing. And for all those going through divorce, it's ok, we all make mistakes, don't lose hope, every dog has its day😆

Thank you for this video. I’ve been in a great relationship and I started growing a part because every time I would get emotional he would reject it and make me feel as if I am overreacting and need to push my emotions away. He is an amazing man, works hard, focuses on being a provider for me. He focuses on that so much I feel like the emotional part of our relationship got neglected. We broke up recently and I’ve been thinking that I may be crazy and how come I am not content with this great man in my life? But after watching this I know that my emotions are valid and my intuition has a reason even if logically I can’t make it make sense.. just following my heart although I am still sad and will need time to heal. Thank you Rachel. ❤

My ex-wife was incapable of emotional intimacy. Utterly. My fault for ignoring the red flags and marrying her. While I know this is commonly a problem with the men, isn't it about time the world wakes up to the fact that more often with marital issues, the script has flipped?

What went wrong was my wife was a coward and ran away from her demons instead of accepting real love.

Rachel, thank you so much for this video. My marriage is about to be over because of my emotional disconnection with my wife. I’m literally standing in limbo where I don’t know if she’ll forgive me and give me another chance or she has made her mind and decide to go through a divorce. Your video has help me,and will help me after if she decides to divorce me.

Men and women need to accept how each feels and react and create a balance. If a woman or man is unable to relate to reactions it is doomed.

I am all of the above. I have a good stead job, I am extremely patient, sex life is great, good father to our children, I can fix almost anything. But I don’t think I was emotionally available. I am very stoic like a rock and I always took pride in that. I thought that’s what made me a solid partner, father, a good man. She started talking to a another guy online. They connected on that level that I couldn’t. Thanks for the video. It does help me see things differently. You pretty much called out exactly what I think is happening here. We have kids together and I loved our life. Maybe there is still time to heal and repair our life together. I’m not sure I know how to be emotionally available, though. It’s not something that comes naturally.

What happens if as a man you're trying to be a good listener, supportive, trying to be understanding to a woman's emotions, who you really like/love especially if they are very personal problems? Often times these are the "nice guys". The man wants to be her hero, be her best friend, deeply cares about her needs; especially if she's been hurt by other men? But she still puts him in the friend zone or rejects his love later on, and often she chooses a bad boy or emotionally distant man who barely loves her. It's happened to me and many men enough times where it just feels like we can't care that much about her feelings, needs, and other requirements anymore. It sometimes feels as though we lost a part of ourselves. More men lately feel they need to focus more on themselves and their goals and that a woman's problems usually aren't worth putting up with. A growing number of men are choosing foreign women because they are more likely to be loyal and create less emotional drama.  It often feels safer as a man sometimes to just not love a woman too much or be that vulnerable. Also, many women do get emotional over such petty things to the point that even mature women will wonder what is she thinking? What's a guy to do in situations where a woman is worrying about something that most people wouldn't worry about? There's so many situations where it's appropriate to tell a woman to stop worrying so much or that she's overreacting, which often is also appropriate to tell a man who is upset over something not that serious.

Your videos can be difficult to watch because the truth can be hurtful. There are so many of these types of videos on YouTube where it's just basically the default M.O of putting all the blame on the man. However, your observations and advice is always very neutral and objective. Watching this video, I realised you described me in detail all the way through. It was a tough watch. I now understand so much clearly now that most of the things I was so confused about before. I now at least have a direction to start moving in to get out of this paralysis. The one thing I may add though, there is a difference between having your wife leave you when no other individuals are involved to having her cheat on you and betray you. You could argue she cheated because of all the things you mention in this video but from a good man's perspective, no matter how bad things ever got, no matter how much he is hurting he would never cheat or betray his wife and for me this is the major difference between men and women. A good man will always put his wife before everything, including himself. The fact that the majority of us didn't understand or know what we were doing wrong doesn't condone the fact that women will take the selfish route out of cheating. Even after being hurt and cheated on a lot of men will still want to work the relationship out but the woman just switches off, disregards a relationship of many years as in my case of 25 years not showing an ounce of remorse or regret. Emotionless and cold. However I come away from this video knowing I will have another relationship with someone new, and I will be able to trust again because I won't make the same mistakes as I did before by being emotionally shut down. I also know that if I am cheated on again it will not be my fault. That as a good man you cannot control or change the nature of someone who has poor integrity. If you really want to be with someone and are able to show them that you love them and connect and understand their emotions then if they still cheat and leave they simply weren't worth your love.

I have the hugest crush on Rachael. I love the way she speaks so calmly.

Rachael, this is extremely complicated. How many ways can we twist our emotions and not know what exactly she wants? This is a difficult one to digest.

I cant understand why this is so important...ALL the other things u mention are certainly equal qualities and are as important as emotional connection.

Amazing.... it's STILL his fault. Gents just walk away

I think I understand the cause of this, but I've been given divorce paperwork a week ago, but nothing is final. Do you have any videos on what to do if you've lacked emotional intimacy for a long time and you've left your wife alone in the relationship, but the only way to fix the relationship is to "go back in time"?

R.S., Please, when a woman says we grew apart and wanted different things. How do you reconcile that? How does a man know what her "different things" are?