The UNDETECTABLE way vulnerable narcissists love bomb

"You're the only person I can talk to about this". Said the vulnerable narcissist to everyone they talk to.

This is why I am afraid to ever date again. They seem like normal people at first. If I hear a victim story it's a big red flag now. Healed people talk about how they are fixing it and how they have healed and how they took responsibility. This is such important knowledge.

I married a vulnerable narcissist. I thought he was a smart safe person who just wasn’t assertive enough to achieve their goals. After 15 years, I didn’t understand what was happening to me, but I knew that living with him was killing me. I was a shell of a person. 5 years later and I’m finally starting to recover.

THE COMPLAINING!!! It is the vampiric sucker of life and all joy.

My experience with vulnerable narcissists is that contempt rolls off them in waves. They can't hide their bitterness and their hate. Listening to their negativity is exhausting.

First red flag: You will witness/experience the passive aggressive behavior. They make it harder to leave because they will weaponize your empathy against you. Their "Vulnerability" is actually repressed anger. That was another red flag: anger issues.

The idea of "not leaving or giving up on someone when they are down" really hits home. I thought I could save him. I thought I could love him enough to change his life and shine a light on him. I ended up losing my friends, family and self worth in the process.

I grew up in a family of vulnerable narcissists, and I did a lot of therapy to get past it. These videos are so helpful because they show me where I've still got traces of narcissism to work through. It's hard to look back through my life and realize that even though I thought I was fine, I was still carrying on the family tradition with a victim mentality and being really self-absorbed. But I'm determined to get every last speck of these traits out of me. Being healthy enough to face the truth makes a big difference.

The uniqueness of this situation is that for many years I didn’t see “love bombing” phase from the covert narcissist. I thought that I’m the one who is “love-bombing”. I felt that I need to help them emotionally, financially, psychologically - I gave them all my resources. Love bombing from covert narcissist- is their story in very beginning , when they represent themselves as almost saint human, who didn’t succeed in life because of their humbleness. This was the most seductive and exquisite love bombing.

This is SO validating! They act humble, and like they are so altruistic. But the truth only becomes clear later...after so much manipulation. And it doesn't stop. Even at the end. They still see themselves as the "good" one...and no matter how badly you were treated...its still turned into.."I did so much for you!". Covert narcissists are just so emotionally damaging. Thank you, Dr. Ramini!

"No matter how much empathy, or no matter how many caring ears you offer them, they will forever seem stuck in a victimized place, and can't seem to move forward from that mindset." This is... someone I'm close to in my family right now. I thought she just needed to get things off her chest, but now I'm realizing, after 2 years of listening to her complain, that it will never come off her chest. In fact, I'm beginning to think she likes it this way.

The circular arguments are what gets me. Recycles the same nonsense month after month year after year.

There is a difference between 1) helping someone who truly needs help in the moment and 2) taking on a “project” to transform someone else’s life or attitudes for them. We cannot change others; they have to want to change and put forth the effort to change themselves, to find better ways of coping and living. “Fixers” need to stop trying to fix others, and instead focus on fixing their own boundaries and seriously slow down in bonding with anyone who they feel drawn to fix.

"And then you look up and realize you're doing all the ...work in the relationship." Yup, that sums it up! Anything you ask them about gets scoffed at, treated with contempt.

Narcissist label gets thrown around a lot these days. There are people who actually do need help and fail to launch because of undiagnosed ADHD, anxiety/depressive disorders, codependency, learned helplessness and OCD/religious trauma. These people do not help themselves because they do not know how. They have low self worth and self sabatoge. The sob story is often trauma dumping which is an unhealthy coping mechanism. You must be able to decipher covert narcissism from someone with other types of problems. Also, most people do not take on people as projects, because that type of person is probably people pleasing or looking for validation. The best way to avoid getting sucked in is to offer help in small doses, encourage and then pull back. Reward when they level up and stick to your boundaries. A narcissist will suck you dry but someone who needs help and support will benefit from it.

This is why it is so important to have strong boundaries. To have a stiff back and not comply with every demand. To be able to say "This far, but not further"

Dr Ramani is speaking about my story. I met a person many years ago, who in very beginning was so different- humble and shy, who understood me and respected all my efforts in life, but later made me believe that all my success, everything I accomplished, all my dreams and beliefs are garbage. My education is nothing. My experience is nothing. I felt the worst guilt for myself and everything I do. This person was disgusted by my financial success and in the same time accepted my financial help. I started seeking psychological help because I believed that I’m arrogant, materialistic, horrible person. And it was the best decision- I found out that the problem is not me. And now, after many years of recovery from self-hate, guilt and shame I’m listening Dr Ramani and I’m crying inside of my heart because this wound is still hurting. Thank you doctor Ramani. You are speaking my truth and my story. Thank you.

Early in the relationship I shared that my first husband had devastated me by telling me he was no longer physically attracted to me. After a 25 year marriage to my second husband who is a fragile narcissist, I finally left him. During the divorce, he started crying and said to me, “I’ve never been physically attracted to you.“ They remember for decades and store it up to hurt you. He was crying when he said it. Always playing the victim when covertly he was being most toxic to me.

' Being someone who feels like always helping and ' fixing ' people's problems to help them - can encourage a vunerable narcissist ' - WOW . Absolutely true

Every time I see one of Dr Ramani's videos, I'm sad I didn't find her 10 years ago. She could have saved me the biggest pain and heartbreak of my life. My ex was exactly like this and I fell for it hook, line, and sinker. His lack of a materialistic lifestyle was actually a cover for his inability to even balance a checkbook, much less have any kind of financial responsibility. It quickly turned into a way to control everything I did, from how long I left the lights on, how many days a week I would do laundry or vacuum...even down to what kind of cheese or bread I bought. It was a horrible time in my life when it ended, but I'm also grateful for the lessons.