LOVE EXPERT REVEALS Why 50% Of Relationships DON'T LAST! | Esther Perel & Mark Hyman
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Published 2021-09-01
Modern love comes with an unprecedented list of expectations. Relationships can of course be a source of amazing connection and joy, but they can also be really hard. We want our partner to be our best friend, lover, confidant, coworker, therapist, and so much more. We want from one person what an entire village used to provide. To take it a step further, we want a soul mate; we want in another human what we used to look for in the realm of the divine. We want that person to help us become the best version of ourselves. I’ve been extremely lucky in my life with my career and friendships, but romantic relationships haven’t come easy for me. I was thrilled to take a deeper look at this part of my life in this episode with my dear friend Esther Perel.
Psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 30 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into nearly 30 languages. Esther is also an executive producer and host of the popular podcasts Where Should We Begin? and How’s Work? Her latest project is Where Should We Begin - A Game of Stories with Esther Perel.
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All Comments (21)
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Most relationships don't last because most people focus more on their partner's faults than their own.
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Most people get married because they marry whoever happens to be in their life when they are ready to marry—that person may not be the right match for them. Think about who you are having children with—that person will be in your life forever. I made both of these mistakes and I’ve suffered for many years—it never ends—especially with children.
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We have been have married for 40 years, I love her more than ever now.
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I think the biggest issue is people date and marry others who don't share their same morals and values. If you value your peace and quiet, dont marry someone who needs attention. If you value sexual connection, dont marry someone with a low sex drive. If you want children in the future, don't marry someone who doesn't (and don't pretend you don't want kids just to keep the relationship in hopes they'll change their mind). If you find frequent drinking immoral, dont marry someone who likes to go to the bar or club for fun. Or if you like partying (responsibly) dont marry someone who finds that immoral because eventually they will hold contempt for you. They say opposites attract, but opposites also resent in the end.
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Focus on the one relationship that’s with you all your life… YOU.
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I have been married for 35 years to my husband. Our greatest strength has been that we both have a relationship with God. God is my strength, and the true source of my happiness. I don’t expect other people ( including my husband) to be my source of happiness. I have a Friend and Father who helps me, and fulfills me. I won my husband by love, and now he adores me. I hope you all find God’s love! It is BETTER than human love.❤️
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Happiness is not the goal. It is a by product of purpose.
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Sometimes men want a new woman that is half his age then finds out they have nothing in common. The depth of a relationship cannot thrive if the wisdom level doesn’t match.
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So many people live together but they never really take the time to know each other. it's like a using each other game.
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“A degree of autonomy matched with a deep sense of belonging “ Insightful.
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It's not easy to live with another person every day. You may be compatible in many ways, but there are still other things you clash with. Friends and family relationships are more lasting because they don't live with you. With that said, it helps to get away for a few days every now then do things to recharge and nourish our individuality.
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"It's a perfect match until it is not." I learned this a while ago. Great info here. Don't take decades to learn.
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Use your relationships to show you what exists within you. Everything is for your own growth. ❤
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Sharing and generosity are key factors in relationships. We expect that one person to be everything. What a high pedestal to be on. This therapist is spot on!
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Nice to see Dr. Mark allowing yourself to be transparent with the audience.
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This is really resonating with me…I tend to nurture and in a way, kind of melt into who my person is. And then, I slowly become resentful of the person sucking up my time and energy. I am 47, divorced 3 times, and just now figuring this out…😳
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The biggest obstacle in love and relationships is connection, and we idealize the idea of there being "the mythical One.". We want too much from one person only. No one person can be all that all the time. I was married, I did al the "right" things, I was "The Nice Girl" sacrifice over and over, became the caregiver to two men who entirely depended too much on me. Over and over I was overwhelmed and had my own needs never being met. Both of the men, passed on. So I am alone again, but I also can have freedom, and it's scary. I'm constantly being told you have to do this, you need this. All these roles are too much for one person. That is why it's so hard.
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Married 30 years (age 27 to 57). Best friends. Great team. No adultery. Just unresolved childhood trauma showed up.
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To be in a fully functional relationship we need to know who we want and why we want them. Also, I believe we all need to get counseling or do some deep soul searching.
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My Children All say they will not marry. I need to share this with them, because it’s so true about wanting our partners to be everything in one. I believe we love different people for different reasons.
